You Won’t Know What You’re Looking For Until You Find It

We all have our preferences, our plans, and ways we imagine our lives going. Even if we don’t feel attached to certain outcomes, we tend to know what we like and stick to it. However, life has a weird way of delivering things that we didn’t even know we needed, and because of that, sometimes you just don’t know what you’re looking for until you find it. Here’s why:

  1. You deserve better than you think you do. Why do we date the same type of people over and over again when there are so many different types in the world? At certain points, we don’t even know better, and we certainly don’t always know that we deserve better.
  2. We don’t know that certain feelings even exist until we experience them. Most of your relationships (of any type) are probably different from one another, so there’s no way to tell what certain types of relationships feel like until you’re in them.
  3. Your ideas are limited by your current state of mind. Think about what (or who) you thought you wanted when you were nine. Your ideas about what’s important have probably changed a bit since then, and they’ll continue to change as you grow.
  4. We get into habits and comfort zones. Whether or not our comfort zones are actually protecting us from anything, we at least feel confident in how things are going to go. But like it or not, a lot of the things that we need are actually outside of those zones, and we don’t get them until we get there.
  5. We can change frequently and rapidly. How can we possibly stick to a rigid idea of a life or a man when we’re constantly being exposed to new things, and sometimes at very fast intervals? Growth is part of life, and it’s nothing to be afraid of.
  6. There’s some trial and error involved. Skipping over the mistakes in life would be cool, but for some reason, they can be necessary to learn certain lessons. Just like you wouldn’t try a single restaurant and never go anywhere else to eat again, many of us won’t meet the man of our dreams on day one.
  7. A basic idea can take time to flesh out. Sometimes we reach points in our life where we don’t know exactly what it is that we need, we just know that something needs to be different… different and better.
  8. There’s often room for upgrades. Not that you’ll be trading out men for life, but upgrading a relationship can happen just through increased bonding, deeper communication, or a shared hobby. We should always be trying to be better and live happier, so in some ways, we’re never done finding what we really need.
  9. We like to trust life. We might find it healthier to assume that the universe has our back and that things are going to fall into place the way that they should, but believing that requires more than a bit of flexibility, because we of course want to leave room for surprises.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog