Let’s face it — not every guy you go out with is looking for something serious. Some aren’t into the commitment in general, and some are just plain not into you. We’re usually okay with dating casually, but not if we’re misled into thinking it’s headed in a more serious direction. Nobody likes being led on. We appreciate honesty and usually like to know what we’re getting ourselves into before we start planning our wedding. The last thing we want is to feel stupid because we thought you wanted something serious, when the whole time you just wanted to be casual. When the guy decides he’s not looking for a relationship with us, we’d rather he be honest about us as opposed to just phasing us out. We’ll always respect the guy who lets us know.
He saves you from the embarrassment of ignored texts.
There’s nothing worse than sending a text and being flat-out ignored. You’ll check your phone constantly, wonder if it’s working properly and maybe even try a follow-up text just in case. If he’s trying to phase you out, we’d rather he just say that.
You won’t overanalyze.
You know it’s not you, it’s him. It has nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. He’s just not ready or not looking for something serious. And because you know this, you don’t have to spend hours analyzing every date and going crazy trying to figure out what happened.
You won’t feel stupid.
You’ve been there. You tell your friends all about him, you’re ready to bring him home to meet the parents and you’ve already cut off everyone else you were seeing. Then you realize he’s not exactly on the same page and you feel like a complete idiot.
He doesn’t waste your time.
If the guy you’re seeing doesn’t want to be serious, what’s the point of juggling your schedule to make time for him, going the extra mile to help him out or staying up extra late to chat with him when you’re tired? Sure, you’ll put the effort in if you know it’s going somewhere, but if it’s not, you’d rather focus on other things. If you know he doesn’t want to be serious, you won’t prioritize him. You won’t waste your time and you’ll be forever grateful for that.
You won’t blame yourself.
Is there something wrong with me? Does he not like my personality? Is he not attracted to me? Am I too outgoing? Not outgoing enough? Too nice? Too opinionated? Nobody wants to have to ask themselves these questions. When he tells you off the bat he doesn’t want to be serious, you aren’t going to look internally when he takes off.
You can continue to explore other options.
If he doesn’t want to be serious with you, you won’t try to be serious with him. You can continue to date other people and see what else is out there. You won’t have to cut out other guys for a guy who isn’t looking for any kind of commitment. There’s nothing wrong with casual dating while you’re trying to find the one, but at least you know it’s not him.
You get your closure.
He doesn’t just leave you hanging after five dates. He actually tells you he’s not looking for something serious. Knowing that, you can move on and not have to wait around wondering what happened or if he’s going to come back.
He respects you enough to be honest.
Being upfront with you about what he’s looking for (or not looking for) means he respects you. He respects your time and respects your feelings when he doesn’t lead you on. You are always going to respect the guy that respected you too.
It says a lot about his character
. Sure, we’d rather a guy that actually wants something serious, but the fact that he is actually able to tell you when he doesn’t says a lot about who he is as a person. He has respect, he is able to be honest, and he generally cares about other people. He is not looking to hurt anyone, deceive them or waste their time. He also knows what he wants, even if it isn’t what you want to hear. While he may not be the guy you want to date, you can still respect him as a decent human being who can put other people’s feelings before his own selfish motives.
It’s a rare occurrence.
Let’s face it- there are many guys who are going to tell you whatever you want to hear just to get in your pants. There are a lot of guys who will waste your time just because they want someone to hang out with. And there are plenty of guys who will avoid this conversation at all costs just to benefit themselves. So when you find a guy who is honest and upfront with you, you are definitely going to appreciate it.
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