Do you ever wonder why you’re not happy in a relationship? You’re settling because you think it’s close enough, but it’s not. Don’t you deserve happiness? Of course you do, and the reason you don’t have it in your current relationship is because something is missing. You need several important things to feel fulfilled, and without them, you might as well give up on a happy ending.
Many of these apply to all relationships in your life, not just those with your boyfriend. They might seem basic, but think about them. I guarantee that if you were in a relationship without these, you wouldn’t be satisfied.
Complete respect. How could you even consider being happy unless you were respected? If you’re not respected, you’re going to be treated like crap. Nothing you say or want will matter. Get respect or get out.
Equality. I had the horrible experience of dating a guy who didn’t believe anyone else could be his equal. That was pretty much the beginning of the end. A man who doesn’t treat you as his equal isn’t good enough for you. You have to be equal partners in a relationship.
Loyalty. No one’s ever really happy unless their partner is loyal to them, and that means both physically and emotionally. Even if you try to bounce back from cheating, the relationship is never the same and you’re always a little less happy than you were before.
Honesty and trust. Not only does your partner have to trust you, but they have to be honest with you. The more secrets that are kept, the more the relationship falls apart. It just can’t work without these two things.
Affection. I’m not talking about sex here. Great sex is wonderful, but it’s not the same as having someone hold you when you’re upset or taking care of you when you’re sick. Something as simple as kissing you before leaving for work means the world. Anything less and you’re not going to be truly happy.
Acceptance. You will make mistakes. You will be different from each other. If there isn’t acceptance in the relationship, neither of you will be happy. You can’t hope someone will just change. You have to accept and embrace each other’s faults and differences.
Communication. Ask some of the happiest couples what they do every day and they’ll say talk. You need communication to be happy. Otherwise, you will get bored and feel like something’s missing. Unless you talk to each other, you never really get to understand the other person’s life.
Encouragement. Your partner should be someone who encourages you when you fail or when you want to try something new. If you don’t have that type of support, it’s not a good relationship. Without encouragement, you can’t grow in the relationship.
Independence. You still need to have your own identity in a relationship. If you’re not allowed to see your friends, go off and do your own thing or have your interests, you’ll be miserable. It’s fine to be a couple, but you have to be yourself too.
Time apart. Believe it or not, you do need space in a relationship. Whether you spend that time alone or with friends doesn’t matter. You just need some time away sometimes.
Ample time together. At the same time, you need to make sure that you’re spending plenty of time together. Only seeing each other right before bed or in passing as you work different shifts isn’t going to work. You have to make time to sit down, talk and just be with each other.
Forgiveness. Remember I said that you will make mistakes? You have to have someone who will forgive you when things go wrong. A relationship that’s full of resentment and grudges will fail.
Openness. I know it might not always be easy, but openness is crucial to a happy relationship. You need someone to share their life with you. This includes their hopes, fears, goals and of course, love for you. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder what they’re hiding.
Patience. You’ll both have your own flaws. This is where patience comes in to play. Having someone nagging you every day because it takes you an hour to shower is going to drive you crazy. You need someone who’s patient and accepts that you’ll do things that they don’t understand sometimes.
Love. You didn’t really think I’d leave love off this list did you? It should be a given, but I’ve seen people settle when things were just okay. They weren’t loved, but they were cared for. You need love to be happy in a relationship. Otherwise, it’ll never last.
I know it seems like a long list, but can you imagine being in a long term relationship that was missing even one of these? Me either. You deserve the best and you should never settle for anything less.
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