Being a healthy twentysomething woman, it goes without saying that I enjoy sex. However, I feel like I might be in the minority when I admit that I don’t see it as a priority in my life right now.
I’m in a long-distance relationship. First of all, my boyfriend currently lives 3,711 miles away from me (but who’s counting?) which makes it pretty challenging to have sex on a frequent basis. Phone sex, yes; physical sex, not so much. This means that I often couldn’t have sex even if I wanted to.
I’ve gotten pretty used to not having it. My boyfriend and I are apart more often than we’re together so I’ve had to learn how to go without it. At first I wasn’t keen, but now? Well, I’m used to it. It makes me appreciate the little things in life, like the sound of a bird or the color of the sky. Does that sound sad?
Even when I’m with my boyfriend, I don’t always want sex. It’s not that my boyfriend is bad in bed (he’s actually the best ever). It’s just that sometimes there are other things I’d rather do with him than jump him when we’re together. These things include (in no particular order): cleaning the house if it’s gotten really dirty, sitting down on my butt and catching up with my favorite Netflix show, and going out for ice cream on a particularly hot summer’s day.
Maybe the novelty has worn off. I’ve been on this planet 27 years now. I know myself and my body. I know sex. Heck, I’ve had plenty of it over the years. Perhaps the novelty of it all has worn off a little bit because I’ve been doing it for so long and it’s no longer this brand new enthralling experience. Either way, sometimes there are other things I’d rather be doing than having sex. Shocker, I know.
My boyfriend and I have busy schedules. As my boyfriend and I can often go for two or three months without seeing each other, by the time that we do get together, we already have so much that we want to cram into the little time that we have together. Sex often has to take a backseat because we get tired from going here, there, and everywhere to visit each other’s family and friends. I mean, we only have so much energy!
We’ve reached the comfortable stage of our relationship. We’re also at that level of our relationship where we’re completely comfortable with each other. We’ve probably reached this stage faster than the average couple, but you can’t help it when you have to temporarily live together every time you visit each other. Gone is the honeymoon period, but that’s OK because we’ve reached a place where we’re stable and solid and it feels like nothing could break us.
I have other priorities. I love my boyfriend to bits and I love sex, but I also have other things that I need to prioritize. As a busy millennial who’s building her own business, I don’t have a lot of time to dedicate to things as I once did. This means that sometimes I have to put certain activities on the back burner to make room in my schedule for other (just as significant) activities.
There are other ways I can feel connected to my boyfriend. Even though I’m fully aware that frequent sex is important in a relationship to feel close to your partner, there are other ways that you can invoke intimacy. For instance, my BF and I love a good chat. In fact, we’ve gotten pretty good to it thanks to the distance between us. You also can’t beat snuggles on the couch and spooning when you’re lying next to each other in bed to feel close with your other half.
I won’t succumb to pressure. I personally think that, as a society, there’s a lot of pressure on young people to be having a ton of sex all the time. We often forget that life isn’t like a movie or TV show where the protagonists are at it every minute of the day. Sometimes life gets in the way and you can’t be as physically intimate with your partner as much as you’d like.
Sex isn’t everything. Sure, sex is a significant part of a relationship. You need that sexual attraction in order for your relationship to survive and thrive. However, for me, it’s much more important that my BF has the full package. He serves as my best friend and someone I can tell all about my day as well as someone I’m sexually attracted to. Even though we often don’t have sex all the time, the desire is still there and will continue to be whether we’re apart or together.
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