Here’s Why Your First Love Should Be A Loser

We’ve all had crappy exes, but it’s the very first one that cuts us the deepest. Yes, it hurts, and it can make it hard to love again, but there’s a lot to learn from the one that breaks your heart.In fact, it’s probably a good thing if your first love was a loser.

  1. Fairytales are fun, but pure fiction. It’s better to learn this as soon as possible. Butterflies in your stomach, thudding heartbeats and checking your phone every ten seconds are all part of the joy of falling for someone, but there’s so much more to compatibility and long-term love. It’s better to learn this lesson with Mr. Wrong, so that when the right person comes along, you know what makes you really tick.
  2. You learn early on that you don’t need a boyfriend. You just want one. Dating a bad egg teaches you that you don’t need another person to complete you. The recovery may be ugly, but struggling through heartbreak and putting yourself back together will make you better. You’ll fall in love with yourself — maybe for the first time.
  3. All that fighting helps you cut through future BS. You may look back on endless fighting as a negative, and it probably was difficult at the time, but that kind of pressure and conflict can teach you self-sufficiency, independence and an understanding of what you want out of a relationship. Learning those things from someone early on prepares you for dealing with conflict and how you process it in the future.
  4. Your boundaries become rock solid. This isn’t the same as putting up emotional walls. Having clear boundaries about how far you want to go and when, how you want to spend your time and what your personal limits are for compromise is vital and empowering. Knowing what your boundaries are and how to enforce them with empathy and kindness takes time to learn — and is something that a loser will teach you sooner than a nice guy.
  5. Patience really is a virtue. No one teaches patience better than a bad partner. In the process of working through a difficult relationship, you’ll learn to wait, listen, process your emotions and come back to the table when you’ve had time to think things through.
  6. Now you know better than to settle. We’re all excited when someone we’re attracted to shows interest in us. Dating a loser teaches you that there’s more to love than lust, and now you’ll know when to give in to those nagging suspicions you’ve had about your new boyfriend.
  7. You realize that sometimes your friends know you better than you’d like to admit. We love to think we know ourselves better than anybody else, but when it comes to love, sometimes that’s just not true. Your friends love you and know your behavior in ways you can’t begin to perceive – and maybe next time you’ll be more likely to heed their warnings.
  8. You’re worth more, and now you know it. Loving someone who doesn’t value you can drag you down and crush your spirits, but once you walk away and rebuild yourself, you’ll find worth in things you may have disliked about yourself in the past. Where you may have felt guilty for your stubbornness before, you may find now that it’s one of your most attractive, important qualities. Ditching Mr. Wrong can shift your entire perception of yourself.
  9. You become your own hero. Bravery is beautiful. It takes guts to say “Enough,” and upend the status quo. Learning you’re a badass is invaluable.
  10. You learn what’s good for you. As much as you love a bad boy, you’ll quickly learn whether or not you can really be in a long term relationship with one. Getting burnt ensures you know that fire is hot — and not for playing with.