If You’re Afraid To Ask A Guy For These Things, You Shouldn’t Be with Him

If You’re Afraid To Ask A Guy For These Things, You Shouldn’t Be with Him ©iStock/Mixmike

You’re falling for a guy you think might be “The One,” but you’re still a bit guarded because you don’t want to mess things up. The thing is, if it’s meant to be, speaking up in your relationship won’t push him away, it’ll only bring him closer — and if you’re afraid to ask a guy for these 8 things, you probably shouldn’t be with him to begin with.

  1. Commitment. How are you ever going to have the relationship you want if you’re too afraid to ask? Some men might be afraid of commitment, but don’t you want to know if he’s that type as soon as possible? You don’t want to wait forever for a relationship, so if that’s what you want, you need to ask.
  2. To wait for sex. He should be able to respect you and your boundaries. Any guy who pushes you into sex before you’re ready isn’t the right guy for you. If he can’t even respect your body, he’s not going to respect the rest of you, or even your relationship. You might be scared that sex is a dealbreaker, but if it is, you’re so much better off without that pig.
  3. Children. You need to be able to tell your partner what you want without the fear of him leaving you. The choice to have children is a dealbreaker. It’s either a life you’ve always dreamed of, or a life you never wanted. If he can’t promise that he wants to be a parent someday and you know you do, then the sooner you get out, the better.
  4. A future. If you’re not looking for something casual, then why waste your time? You want someone you can build a future with, so if he can’t imagine it, then he needs to let you go. You can’t be with someone if you don’t want the same things.
  5. To put you first. If you don’t feel like you’re a big enough priority in his life, then you should at least be able to tell him that. Sure, he has other things going on — a career, friends, family, just like you — but if he’s serious about you, then you need to be a priority too. If you’re feeling neglected and you can’t even tell him how you feel, then he’s already too in control of this relationship for it to last.
  6. Monogamy. If you want a monogamous relationship, you shouldn’t have to settle for an open one — especially if it’s because you’re too afraid to tell him you want more. Some women are fine with dating multiple people at one time, but if you’re not, who says you’re wrong? You’re entitled to your opinion and your feelings. You just have to have the confidence to make them known.
  7. Forgiveness. You messed up. You said or did something crappy and you hurt your guy. It sucks, but it happens in every relationship. So apologize and genuinely mean it, and then when you’re done, ask for forgiveness. If you said you’re sorry, it means you’re not going to do whatever you did again. That should be enough.
  8. An apology. If he hurt you, you should be able to tell him that. You can’t be with a guy if you let him walk all over you. You have real feelings and if he hurt them then he needs to care. Telling him how you feel can be the same as asking for an apology. You just need the strength to say something, and if he doesn’t care, then it’s pretty damn obvious you shouldn’t be with him.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.