If You’re Still Doing These Things, You’re Not Ready For A Relationship

Throwing yourself back into the dating scene too soon is a bad idea that can lead to disastrous results. I totally get not wanting to be alone, but it’s not fair to anyone if you’re not ready and the relationship will be doomed before it even starts. Brace yourself for some brutal honesty here. If you’re guilty of the following 10 things, you need to put dating on hold and re-evaluate your current eligibility for partnership.

  1. You’re holding onto anger. Anger is the surface emotion that boils up when there’s more going on underneath. If you still feel anything but acceptance when it comes to your past relationships, you may need to be honest about whether you have closure and, if not, why. Sometimes, you simply need to come to terms with never receiving that apology or mature discussion you’ve been waiting for. You need to accept that as a sign to move onto better things.
  2. You keep couple pics on social media. Maintaining your own private stash of memories is understandable, but openly displaying photos of you two post-breakup is odd and misleading. Once the relationship is over, it’s routine practice to do a public display clean sweep. If anything, just change the privacy options of the photos to be viewable by you only or download the photo onto your personal device. If the relationship ended in real life, it also needs to be closed in the digital world.
  3. You’re directly connected online. Your exes have no business on your social media account. It’s not healthy to try to maintain a friendship. Once the relationship crossed over into something more, there is no going back. The romantic relationship either works out or you two need to part separate ways. Downgrading back to casual interaction isn’t an option.
  4. You significantly struggle with mental health, addiction, or other destructive habits. Priorities are so important. We all have our vices, but major issues require immediate attention and focus. Relationships should be a partnership between two whole people trying to share their lives together. It’s not a good idea to look for someone to save you or clean up your mess for you. Leave dating alone and take the time you need to level up without a distraction.
  5. You feel like you need someone. Ultimately, no one else is truly responsible for your happiness other than you. Being desperate for a relationship is just laying the foundation for a possible codependent situation. It’s OK to want a life partner, but don’t be afraid to live your best life while you’re still single. Chances are you’ll find a better match when you’re not actively looking and trying to force an inorganic connection anyway.
  6. You blame others for your childhood. There comes a point in time when you need to accept the cards you were dealt in life, whether it was a silver spoon or a heaping pile of trauma. If you’re still walking around with a victim mentality mourning the upbringing you wish you’d had, you’re no good to anyone. Go to therapy and work out your personal issues first. You’re responsible for you and the trajectory of your future.
  7. You’re rigid with your schedule and routine. You have to be open to making adjustments that include someone else. It’s not fair to give a guy false hope of connecting with you if you’re still adamant about your daily gym time, Netflix binge-watching, and hanging out with your friends over-communicating with him and scheduling dates. We’re all busy, but relationships require compromise and give-and-take. Don’t make someone wait for you because you’re fixed on continuing to do just you.
  8. You have a stash of backup options. If you’re not done being single, then don’t be! There’s nothing wrong with casual dating as long as you’re upfront about your intentions and not stringing anyone along. But once you’re ready to commit, you shouldn’t have a whole football team benched on the sidelines. Focus on that one person you’re trying to be with and give him the attention he deserves.
  9. Your priorities are out of order. If you don’t have a job or place to live, have outrageous spending habits and legal issues, and/or don’t have custody of your kids, you have things you need to take care of. Get some control of your life first, then find a guy (or woman).
  10. You demand a fairytale romance or bust. You can’t model your relationship expectations based on the Hallmark Channel and Disney movies. This is unrealistic. No matter who you’re with, there will naturally be conflict and disagreements over time. The honeymoon phase will end. He won’t be perfect. These are all truths you need to accept. Stop waiting for a unicorn union that doesn’t exist and brush up on your communication and conflict resolution skills. Know that commitment is a decision and love is more than just a feeling.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer