You’re Looking At Your Breakups All Wrong — Here’s What You’re Forgetting

Going through a breakup is never easy. Even if you were the one who called it off, you still have to face the adjustment period of not having the person you’ve been spending a big chunk of your time with in your physical presence, message history and in your camera roll. Fond memories fade and warm comforts turn into cold realities. You’re alone again, and you’re replaying where it went wrong, or placing blame to justify it all. Breakups suck for everyone involved and the cycle of dwelling on the bad is probably the worst part of it. Start looking at your parting of ways in a new light, and get back to rocking your way towards the next chapter.

  1. You’re free. Yes, it sucks when pastimes you had no longer fill your schedule, but now you have all this time to do exactly what you want, when you want to do it. Get back to doing the things you love, or start doing something new that you’ve never done before. There’s a reason this is encouraged in every “how to get over a breakup” article and it’s because it’s hashtag #truth. Do you. Go out with friends, take up a hobby or get back into old ones. Reconnect with people. We are all guilty of slipping on the social train when we’re coupled, so take the time to get back to your friendships and family life that you weren’t paying as close attention to before.
  2. You tried. Honestly, sometimes stuff doesn’t work out and that’s just a harsh reality we need to face. It sucks, but despite being in an extreme state of suck because you’re disappointed, remember the fact that you tried and put effort into satisfying both your own heart, and that of your former partner. All you can do in this life is try. Sometimes you’ll win, and other times you’ll lose. If you win right away without much effort, you’ll never truly appreciate the prize. Victory feels better when you’ve lost a few rounds. Remember that.
  3. You learned. There’s a lesson in every single relationship encounter you have. Even if it’s a botched first date or a tarnished six year marriage, there are lessons to be realized in every endeavor. You can focus on what you’ve learned about your partner and how crappy you think they are, or you can focus on what you learned about yourself and what you can improve on moving forward. If you fought constantly over a certain issue, take the time to realize that next time, you can’t be with someone with those same views or habits. Otherwise, you’re just going to perpetually date the same type and end up in this place over and over again.
  4. There are positives. While being in a relationship is awesome, there’s also a long list of positives about being single, too. You have the whole bed to yourself again, no fighting over the blankets, what shows to watch, no one nagging you about something you do that irritates them, and the list goes on. Being free of a relationship has a lot of perks and at first you might convince yourself that it isn’t worth being alone, but trust that you’re going to get over the emotional hurdle. After the initial grieving period subsides, and you’re truly embracing moving on with your life, you’re going to wake up in a blanket burrito, sprawled across a queen covered with your preferred linens knowing that the day ahead of you is yours completely to design.
  5. It’s okay to fail. When we have high hopes for a relationship and things don’t work out, placing us back on the market, it’s easy to feel like you failed. If you were the one who was wronged or left heartbroken, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. Not everyone is going to love you for a lifetime, but you should find comfort in knowing that even though things hurt now, there’s going to be a time where you love someone again, and it’s going to be pretty great.