If You’re Looking For Love, This Is Why You Need To Stop

If you’re spending all your time searching for Mr. Right, it’s time to get your priorities in check. It’s one thing to be open to the idea of love and even to put yourself out there in hopes of finding it, but it’s quite another to drop everything in your life in a bid to find the one for you. If you fall into the latter category, STOP immediately and read this.

  1. Love should never be your main goal. The only way to live a fulfilling life is to set goals and try your damn hardest to reach them. If your goals are purely relationship-centric, though, you’re doing yourself an injustice. Love is not some kind of trophy you win at the end of a race, and it’s not a prize that you get to keep — it’s a real AF emotion. When it happens to you for real, you’ll get that.
  2. Searching for a man is a pure waste of time. You only get a select amount of years, months, days, and weeks on this planet. Your hours are numbered, so why on Earth would you want to waste all your time searching for a man? Honestly, the more you have going on in your life that has nothing to do with looking for love, the more likely you are to find it.
  3. Actively seeking love makes you come off a bit desperate and needy. The real problem with seeking love is that it makes you look needy AF. The moment you meet a nice guy who fits your criteria, you’ll do anything to keep him around. That means screwing up your own ideals and sacrificing yourself for the sake of a relationship, and that’s not a good look for your life, nor is it a turn-on to your guy. No man wants a girl who will drop everything just to be his. (Side note: If a guy does want this, RUN!)
  4. Love isn’t going to solve your problems. If you think your life will suddenly fall into place as soon as you get in a relationship, it’s time to get a grip. No man out there is going to save you, and you shouldn’t expect him to. Only you can sort your life out and frankly, before you do that, you’re probably not even ready to have a real-life relationship. The sad truth is that some women out there are obsessed with the idea of a guy fixing their lives. Don’t be one of those girls.
  5. You’ll only end up settling in the end. If you’re so focused on wanting love in your life, you’re at risk of settling for someone who’s just not right for you. Trying to build a life with a guy who’s not your ideal is the biggest waste of energy ever. Don’t kid yourself.
  6. You should value yourself more than a guy. Here’s the thing: If you’re always thinking about guys and not yourself, it means that you value them more than you. That kind of attitude is freakin’ dangerous. If you meet the wrong kind of man, he could easily abuse your skewed view of the world and quickly turn you into a subordinate Stepford Wife type. It’s a damn cliche, but you need to value yourself or no one else will.
  7. If you don’t love yourself, why would a guy? If you’re searching for love, it should be with one person, and one person alone: yourself. There are far too many ladies out there with low-self esteem, and sadly, they’re often the ones who are desperate for the affection of guys too. If that describes you, it’s not a man you need — it’s a large dose of self-respect. Take twice daily.
  8. Forcing a guy to be ‘The One’ is messed up. If you’re trying to force every guy you meet into being The One, you’ll never actually meet him. That puts so much pressure on a new relationship that you’ll never be able to chill TF out and really get to know a guy. You have to tone down the intensity and learn to have a little fun.
  9. You’re making yourself miserable. The more pressure you put on the guys you meet, the more likely the relationships are to fail. They are likely dead in the ground before they get going. You know what that’s gonna make you? Miserable. Then, when you’re down, you’ll only become more thirsty for love and the cycle will continue endlessly. Make it stop while you still can.
  10. You have to have your own thing going on. The main reason that you shouldn’t be looking for love is because you should have other stuff going on in your life. If the only thing that you have to talk about is your lack of love, something is amiss. Stop paying so much attention to men and start paying attention to the things in your life that matter like family, friends, pastimes, your career, your pets, your finances… I mean, I can keep going forever.
Charlotte is a freelance writer who's addicted to binge-watching TV, drinking far too much coffee, and writing articles.