You’re Not Fixing Your Relationship—You’re Just Avoiding Your Inevitable Breakup When You Do These Things

When you’re desperate to fix your relationship, it’s easy to scramble for a solution. However, not every idea is a good one—.here are 10 to avoid if your relationship is in the dumps.

  1. Thinking you can or actually trying to fix him If only your guy could just be more patient; if only he behaved better and treated you more like you deserved. You might think that you can change him and then the relationship will be amazing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Putting in all that effort, especially for someone who doesn’t want to change, will only make things worse.
  2. Having a baby You might think nothing will bring you closer to your partner than having a baby, but stop while you’re ahead. Not only will you still have the same issues, but now you’ll be bringing an innocent life into them. It’s just not right. Plus, are you even ready to be a mother? Having a baby just for the sake of fixing your relationship will screw you over.
  3. Trying to change yourself There’s no bigger waste of time (besides maybe trying to change a guy) than trying to turn yourself into his perfect partner. While some changes can help fix a damaged relationship, like if you’re taking him for granted and want to be better, others are quite unnecessary. Losing weight, changing your appearance in other ways, or accepting his bad behavior will not make the relationship healthy. You’re headed for a toxic one.
  4. Creating a spark when you’re the only one fanning the flames There are so many articles out there on how to recreate the spark in your relationship. It can work to boost your relationship and well-being and bring you closer to your partner if you both haven’t put in much time into your relationship of late. However, if you’re trying to come up with ways to reconnect and your partner’s not on the same page, it’s just not worth it.
  5. Ignoring your gut Maybe he cheated on you and you know in your gut you don’t want to stay with him, but instead of listening to your gut, you try to ignore that little voice inside of you telling you to GTFO so that you can work harder on your relationship. Right. That makes no sense at all. Why stay in a relationship and not be happy?
  6. Whining to your friends We all need to turn to our friends from time to time, and sometimes sharing our relationship problems with them can give us some much-needed advice. However, if you’re constantly complaining to them but never actually doing anything productive to improve your relationship then you’re just wasting their time and yours. You might feel better after a vent session, but then you’ll be back to square one.
  7. Turning a blind eye You might think you have to take your boyfriend’s behavior if you want to make your relationship work. So,when he negs you, you might try your best to ignore him. When he flirts with the waitress, you might try not to take it to heart, but at what price are you doing all this? Turning the cheek is just inviting him to slap the other one. Besides, if he’s always disrespecting you, why would you even want to work on a relationship with him?
  8. Doing it all on your own Sometimes, working on your relationship is not enough to get you and your partner back on track. If you’re both eager to work on things but you can’t seem to make it happen, it could be good to chat with a professional. Not only will this person be able to give you much more objective and helpful advice than your bestie, but they’ll be your best shot at making your relationship a happy, healthy one.
  9. Going on holiday You might think that one of the best things you and your partner can do if you’re not feeling the relationship anymore is go away on a vacation together. It sounds like fun, sure, and it might be a good idea if your problem is home-based. But if there’s not something specific at home that’s causing your drama, then you’re basically going to carry your issues with you wherever you go. Or, you’ll be able to escape from them for a while, only to feel them even more severely once you get back.
  10. Taking a break For some people and in some circumstances, taking some time away from their partner can be really helpful. A relationship break can give you time to think things through, cool off after an argument and think about where you want your relationship to go. Still, a relationship break can also be an excuse you use to fix your relationship because you don’t know how to deal with your issues. Instead of working on them together, you’re trying to work on them (or have a break from them) on your own.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.