If You’re Not In A Relationship With Me On Social Media, We’re Not In A Relationship

I’m pretty easy-going when it comes to my relationships, but I do have a few non-negotiables. I won’t date a guy that doesn’t text me first thing in the morning, and if he doesn’t get along well with my family, we’ll never work. One thing I used to be pretty lax about was making my relationships “FBO” or Facebook Official. I never thought it mattered much until a guy betrayed my trust big time. Now, if a guy is serious about me, he’d better be expressing your love off and online.

  1. I’ve been burned before. It used to bug me that my ex and I weren’t Facebook official, but he didn’t have much of an online presence, so I didn’t dwell on it. I’d post sweet messages on his wall or tag him in pictures, but they’d always mysteriously disappear. It didn’t take long for me to realize he had another relationship going on behind my back and keeping his virtual distance from me made it easier to get away with it.
  2. Hidden profiles are hidden slices of life. I met up with a close girlfriend of mine recently and I asked her how her dating life was going. To my surprise, she told me she had been steadily dating a guy for about three months. Immediately, I hopped on Facebook to creep on a photo of him, and to my surprise, she told me they weren’t friends online. She told me she felt too much time had passed and now it just felt awkward to send him a request. Social media may not be a big deal for some, but if he’s not even willing to share his profiles with me, he’s basically saying he’s okay with closing me off from certain aspects of his life.
  3. It’s an insecurity of mine. Maybe he’s sitting there thinking I’m crazy for being so nosey, and that’s okay — it just means he’s not the type of guy for me. I’ve been hurt before and I’m not willing to take that chance again.
  4. I totally get the need for privacy. I’m not one of those women who needs to know the password to my boyfriend’s Instagram or Twitter to make sure he’s not getting DMs from sex bots. I don’t care about stuff like that and I recognize that everyone needs a certain level of privacy. That being said, if he doesn’t want to share something with me, like a social media profile, but he’s willing to share with other friends and family, I have a problem with that.
  5. It’s a pretty simple request. If he’s not willing to press a few buttons to show his friends and family that we’re in a committed relationship, what else won’t he do for me? Moving our relationship to the next level is a big deal, but letting other people know about it shouldn’t be.
  6. There are certain connotations. When my ex and I were together, something always felt off. In a way, I felt like he was hiding me from the world and keeping me all to himself. The reality of it is, he was trying to keep our relationship under wraps so he could continue another relationship with someone else. I no longer think it’s out of line to assume a guy is fooling around behind my back when he won’t do something as basic as acknowledge our relationship online.
  7. It makes it seem like he has something to hide. I’d never want him to feel like I’m not proud to be with him. By keeping our relationship under wraps and off of his social media, he’s basically saying he’s not proud to be with me.
  8. It’s a new way of life. Social media plays a huge role in dating. Not everyone likes that fact, but it’s a simple reality. I make a living off of the power of social media, so I happen to think it’s very important. I post my work, my milestones, and my memories on the internet for friends and family to see. I don’t expect him to be a social media guru, but I do expect him to understand why being “FBO” has some significance to me.
  9. I don’t need constant validation. Some couples on social media are a little nauseating. I don’t need him to post Women-Crush-Wednesday posts every week or write long ranting messages on my wall for every anniversary. I don’t need perpetual validation through likes and direct messages. Making a relationship known on social media is simply a one-time way of saying that he wants the world to know he’s with me.
  10. Social media is the new photo album. I’ve tossed around deleting my Facebook a thousand times, but the thought of losing all those pictures and memories always holds me back. Why wouldn’t he want to commemorate cute moments online with his significant other?
  11. The less temptation the better. Believe it or not, most women don’t want to stomp on his relationship. If his new co-worker starts crushing on him but finds out he has a girlfriend after creeping on him online, she probably won’t pursue him. Of course it’s up to him and I to stay faithful, but why not keep other interested parties at bay?
Jessica is a proud Pittsburgher that loves to drink tea and adopt cats in her spare time. She is a self-proclaimed Slytherin and would like to visit Harry Potter World as soon as possible!