If You’re The”One That Got Away,” Just Keep On Going

When an ex puts you on a pedestal as “the one who got away,” it can be tempting to go back to him. The idea that he’d love you better now that he knows how special you are is enticing, but this is why you’re better off continuing on your own:

  1. You can’t go back. You got away from him and guess what? Life went on. His world may have stop when you left him, but yours didn’t. You met new people and created a life for yourself. You’re a different woman than you were when you knew him. You can’t set the clocks back, so there’s no point in dwelling on the past for his sake.
  2. Keep the past in the past. If you keep looking back, you’ll never be able to move forward. Just because you haven’t found love doesn’t mean you should go back through the men you’ve already dated. Open up your dating pool. There are good men out there that you don’t have history with, but you could definitely have a future with. You just have to be open to them, and that starts with getting your head out of the past and back to the present.
  3. There was a reason things didn’t work out. Don’t let those lingering feelings deflect from the fact that there are legitimate reasons you’re not still together. Just because you parted ways doesn’t mean those problems disappeared. The issues you had when you were together will still be there. Time didn’t erase your differences — it just made you forget them.
  4. You’re not “the one.” You’re just the one that got away. There’s a huge difference there. The one that got away is the one you had feelings for, but never ended up working out with. “The one” is the person you’re truly supposed to end up with. Going back to the guy who thinks of you as the one that got away isn’t romantic — it’s tragic, because it means that you’d be settling for someone you weren’t meant to be with.
  5. Just because you still have feelings for him doesn’t mean they’re right. Breaking up with someone doesn’t necessarily mean the feelings have gone away — it just means you realized you’re not good for each other. You didn’t bring out the best in one another, and you probably brought each other more pain than happiness. Unhealthy relationships don’t necessarily mean they’re lack love; it just means that love wasn’t enough to overcome your differences. Love alone isn’t enough to justify going back to someone who wasn’t good for you.
  6. If it were meant to be, things would have worked out. True love can overcome anything, so why couldn’t your love do that? If you we’re really meant for each other, then you wouldn’t have parted ways in the first place. Things ended between you for a reason, and even if you don’t understand it now, you probably will down the road.
  7. The fact that he still wants you shouldn’t sway your decision. No one can deny it’s nice to feel wanted, but the fact that he misses you shouldn’t be the reason that you want him too. If he weren’t interested in you, would you still have feelings for him? Take his emotions out of the equation and then listen to your heart. That’s the only way to know how you really feel.
  8. You can’t blame everything on bad timing. Sometimes things don’t work out because they’re not supposed to. It wasn’t the right guy at the wrong time — it was the wrong guy, and he would’ve been the wrong guy at any point in your life. So stop using timing as an excuse and face the fact that just because feelings are there doesn’t mean you’re right for each other.
  9. If he let you go once, he’s bound to do it again. You slipped through those butter fingers once, and there’s no guarantee that he’ll be smarter the next time around. If a man can watch you walk away once, he could do it again. You need a man who will fight for you, not a man who’s willing to lose you. He had his chance, and if he had another one, he’d probably blow it again.
  10. If he really loved you, he’d set you free. The one that got away is just another Mr. Wrong with the potential to hold you back from Mr. Right. If he had real feelings for you, then he’d want what’s best for you, even if that means you wouldn’t be with him.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.