If You’re Really “Scared Of Love,” You Shouldn’t Have Dated Me In The First Place

Falling in love might be scary, but you can’t really let that fear hold you back. Being afraid of love is one thing, but refusing to fall in love because of some weird paranoia is another. If you’re so terrified of love, then why the hell did we start dating in the first place?

  1. I don’t do commitment issues. You have commitment issues, so what are you doing to get over them? I want to be with you but I’m not going to stick around for a day that may never come. You’re afraid of love but so is everyone else. If you let that fear hold you back, though, I’m not going to try to pull you forward. Good luck with your “issues” because I’m out.
  2. You knew I wanted a real relationship. You can’t pretend that you were clueless about what I wanted. You knew how I felt about you and you knew that I was looking for a man I could build a future with, so if all this time you were afraid to fall in love, why didn’t you end things a long time ago?
  3. Plenty of other women are interested in keeping it casual. I’m just not one of them. Hookup culture is rampant within modern dating, so why would you pick a girl who has no interest in it? If you want something casual, that’s fine… as long as you’re dating a woman who wants to keep things plain and simple too.
  4. I thought we were falling in love. That’s what dating is all about. At least, it is in my life. I wouldn’t have invested so much time with you if I didn’t think there was a possibility of a future. I don’t understand how we were on such completely different pages. I thought this was a relationship, so what did this all mean to you?
  5. Don’t date if you’re “not ready.” If you’re not ready to fall in love then you have no business dating. Need someone to talk to? Find a friend. Need sex? Find a hookup buddy. If you want to date, though, then don’t back out when things get serious. Dating is about finding someone special, not finding someone to pass the time.
  6. Being afraid of love won’t keep you from falling in it. You can back out of this relationship by saying you’re afraid to fall in love, but being afraid won’t keep you from falling in love. You can take every precaution to protect yourself but love isn’t a choice. You don’t get to choose whether or not you love me or anyone else. You can keep trying to self-sabotage but in the end, you’ll never have control over how you really feel.
  7. If you’re emotionally unavailable, fix it. It’s not my job to stick by you while you figure things out. I can’t fix your problems and you shouldn’t expect me to. If you’re emotionally unavailable then that’s something you have to deal with alone. Please don’t date me in the hope that someday I’ll cure your fear of love. If you want to face your fears, you’re going to have to do that on your own.
  8. If we were right for each other, you wouldn’t be scared. I truly believe that if I was the right girl for you, there would be no hesitation to commit or fall in love with me. Deep down, something about this relationship feels wrong to you and that’s why you hide behind your fear when you should really just be listening to your gut.
  9. I’m not going to wait around for you to be ready for something real. I’ve wasted enough time already. I thought we were falling in love but it turns out you were holding back because you were too afraid of something real. I’d rather be single than waste any more time on a guy who probably won’t ever get over his so-called fear.
  10. You always knew that this was more than “just sex.” I don’t do casual sex and you knew that from day one. I was very clear about how I feel about sex and every other intention I had. I didn’t want to casually have sex. I wanted a relationship. We weren’t just hanging out. We were dating. It was never just sex and you knew it.
  11. I deserve so much better than your lame excuses. I don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want to be with me. I won’t beg, plead, grovel, manipulate, or even simply try to change your mind. If you don’t want me then I don’t want you. At the very least, though, you could be honest about the reason why because simply being “scared of love” is total BS.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.