If You’re Sending Me These 11 Texts Before Our First Date, It’s Not Going To Happen

I used to try not texting too much before a first date so I could have more to talk about with the guy when we finally met up. But I’ve learned that texting can be good —it shows me what a guy’s really about and when I shouldn’t waste my time on him. If you send me these texts before our first date, I’m going to know right away that I should just stay home in my pajamas instead:

  1. “Send me a pic.” If we got in touch online or through friends, you obviously know what I look like, yet you’re still asking for more pics? Let’s get real: you’re after nudes, and it’s not going to happen. It’s even worse if you go ahead and send me an unsolicited picture of your junk. Ugh. And you were doing so well before you messed it up…
  2. “What are you up to?” times three It’s fine to send a text to check what I’m doing or how my day is going, but if you’re doing this all the time, it annoys me. It’s like you want to chat, but can’t think of anything interesting to say. A better route is to not say anything at all. Plus, we’re not even dating yet, so don’t act like my boyfriend by checking in all the time.
  3. “Can I come over now?” When you send this spontaneous text days before we’re scheduled to meet, it’s clear you’re just looking for a booty call. It could also be that you’ve changed your mind about our date. Or maybe something better came along and you thought you could still squeeze me in for a quick hookup. Sorry, not happening.
  4. “My friends are dying to meet you.”Hold on. You’ve been talking to your buddies about me so much that they want to meet me, yet you haven’t even gone on a date with me? That’s a little too fast, and I’m hitting the brakes on this thing.
  5. “Thinking of you…” If you’re sending me texts like this, they feel a little too romantic and make you sound desperate AF. Calm down, buddy.
  6. “You there?” When you send me a text asking if I’m still online because I haven’t been answering you quickly enough, it’s a little too much. Relax. I’m not glued to my phone, and I’m busy doing other things. If you’re going to be this clingy before our first date, I can just imagine what it would be like being your GF. I think I’ll pass.
  7. “Check out my band/company page/self-published book.” Ugh, the shameless plug. Do you want to brag about your achievements, or are you simply hoping to mix business with pleasure? Either way, it puts me off. It’s fine and well to chat about our work and achievements, but telling me to go check out things you’ve done before we’ve even met is too much too soon. Next you’re going to email me a copy of your post-graduate degree.
  8. “What’s your bra size?” This is just as bad as asking for naked pics. If a bra size is that important to you, then it’s clear we’re on totally different pages of totally different books. You just want something physical, but I’m looking for so much more.
  9. “I’m not looking for anything serious, but I really want to meet you!” You’re clearly the king of mixed messages. I see no point in meeting up with you if you’re not looking for a relationship. The fact that you really want to meet me feels like a consolation prize, like maybe you’re hoping you can still get laid. Don’t waste my time.
  10. “Where do you wanna meet?” It’s great for a guy to want to make sure I’m happy with our date location, but it’s also cool for him to take the initiative. I mean, he should at least suggest a place for us to meet instead of letting me do all the work. If he doesn’t, it makes me worry that he’s not really into the date at all but is still going just for the hell of it. I need someone who’s more excited about meeting me.
  11. “I have a great idea for our second date.” You don’t know what it will be like to go on a date with me, but you’re already thinking ahead to our second date? It not only looks desperate, but also a bit insulting — as though you think that you’re such a catch I’ll definitely be dying to see you again. Plot twist: this text alone has already made me want to cancel our FIRST date, so a second one definitely won’t be happening.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.