Are You Dumbing Yourself Down For Guys? If You’re Guilty Of Any Of These Behaviors, STOP!

Playing dumb to get the guy isn’t just about twirling your hair in your fingers and asking him to move a heavy bookshelf. You might be playing dumb without even knowing that you’re doing it. Here are 13 behaviors to stop doing ’cause they’re killing your game.

  1. You smile when you don’t feel like it. What is it with guys saying that women need to appear sweet and friendly? If you don’t feel like smiling, why the hell should you? Even worse is if you’re smiling and laughing just so that you don’t inconvenience the guy with your emotions. Screw that. You’re a human being, not a clown.
  2. You act cool when you’re pissed. Your BF is being rude or doing something he knows irritates you but instead of calling him out on it, you just pretend to be unaffected. Forget about being the chilled woman—she’s not real and he doesn’t deserve your mellow vibes anyway. He deserves to get a drink thrown in his face.
  3. You play down your achievements. It’s one thing not to want to brag but quite another if you’re toning down your achievements or intelligence so that you don’t make the guy you’re dating feel insecure. Um, those are his issues, not your responsibility. Own your worth.
  4. You pretend you don’t know something. It’s awkward when your BF says something about a news story and gets it wrong. You might feel bad to correct him, but why should you feel like you have to pretend he’s perfect? If he can’t deal with being corrected or criticized, then he’s a man-child.
  5. You let him worry about you. You want to feel loved, but if your BF keeps treating you like a child, such as by telling you to finish up your dinner or wear different clothes so that men don’t hit on you, you’re letting him control you. You’re a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be humiliated.
  6. You keep your mouth shut so you’re not seen as “difficult.” Some guys are quick to call a woman “difficult.” It’s convenient and total BS. You’re not difficult if you speak up about your thoughts or contradict anyone else’s. If he can’t handle that you have a mind of your own, he shouldn’t be allowed to be in your life.
  7. You accept chivalry to prevent being too independent. It’s sad but true: some guys can’t handle strong and independent women. They might even insult you for being “too independent.” Whatever. That doesn’t mean you should try to depend on men or let them open car doors for you if you’re not into that sort of thing. Who are you trying to appease? A secure man will love your independence and support it. He won’t feel that he needs to be “manly.”
  8. You let him take over. When people talk to you and your BF, you let him answer questions and get into conversations, choosing to stay out of the spotlight. You even let him answer questions for you on your behalf, like when ordering at a restaurant. WTF? You can speak for yourself.
  9. You nod when he mansplains. Enough with accepting mansplaining! It’s insulting and ridiculous. Instead of being super polite when he tries to educate you on a topic, tell him that you already know that stuff. Put him in his place. Don’t feel like you have to stroke his ego and make him feel important. He’s a POS.
  10. You ask him for advice you don’t need. It’s great to be able to confide in your BF, but you shouldn’t feel like you need to ask him for advice just because he’s offered to help you. If you really need advice, go ahead. Don’t ask for it just because you want him to feel special, especially if it makes you weak. That’s ridiculous.
  11. You fake orgasms. You might feel uncomfortable telling him that he hasn’t made you climax, but why make him feel like he knows all your hot spots? Faking your orgasms is dumbing yourself down because you’re pretending that he’s great in bed when he’s not just to save his ego from getting bruised. It also makes you sell yourself short. Not worth it.
  12. You send him dirty pictures to get his attention. He isn’t replying to your intelligent texts, so you resort to sending him nude pictures of yourself. That’ll get his attention, but not for long—and it just makes you seem desperate AF. You shouldn’t resort to such cheap shots to get a guy to like you. Wait for the guy who wants to undress your mind.
  13. You laugh at his unfunny jokes. He makes lots of childish jokes and you fake a laugh. The problem with pretending that he’s funnier than Trevor Noah is that you’re acting silly and giggly just to inflate his ego. Plus, you’re encouraging him to do that shit again, which means more awkward AF situations in future. Just be real and tell him you don’t really find that sort of thing funny. It’ll do you both a favor.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.