If You’re Torn Between Me & Her, Set Me Free & Go Be With Her

There’s nothing worse than feeling like the guy I’m dating has his heart or eyes set on someone else. I’ve been there, and I refuse to sit by and accept it because while you’re torn between two women, I’m tearing myself up inside. It’s completely unfair and total BS, so now I live by one simple rule: if another woman has aroused your interest, you should be with her.

  1. I’m not just an option. I won’t be made to feel like I’m just some replaceable girlfriend. I should feel like you’re with me because you want to be with me 100 percent — not like you’re sort of going with the flow to see what happens and who might come along. Hell no. I won’t stand for that.
  2. If you wanted me — really wanted me — you wouldn’t be torn. If you wanted a real relationship with me and you really loved me, you would never be torn between me and another woman. Sure, you’ve seen plenty of attractive women and maybe you’ve even had little crushes, but that’s harmless. If you’re feeling like you’re unsure about me because there’s someone else on your horizon, then you’ve already checked out of our relationship.
  3. I think you want her more. Johnny Depp once said, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” I hate to quote Johnny Depp since he’s a complete jerk (to put it lightly), but I couldn’t have said it better myself.
  4. I’m not a contestant on The Bachelor. I’m not going to stand here trying to get you to commit to me or want me more than the other woman. I refuse to turn my dating life into a competition. No man is worth that.
  5. You should see my value without me pointing it out. If you really want to be with me, you’ll stay because you see how valuable I am. You won’t need reminders. If you do, it’s actually better that you leave. I’m not going to try to sell myself to you. If you don’t know how great we can be by now, you never will be — and honestly, you don’t deserve to know.
  6. I’ll start pushing you away. If you’re getting closer to another woman, instead of trying to make you stay with me, I’ll be pushing you away. This is because I know I’ll reach a point where I feel like it’s actually better not being with you than sitting around and waiting for our relationship to crash and burn.
  7. I won’t waste my time. If you think you can leave me hanging while you decide if you want to be with me or the other woman, you’re dreaming. I don’t want to waste my time, and since I’ve been in this situation before (on more than one occasion, no less), I know how it ends: I get dumped so that the guy can chase down his other attraction.
  8. If you stay, how can I be sure your feelings for her are over? You clearly have feelings for her, otherwise you wouldn’t have been torn between us. If you decide to stick with me, they’re not going to evaporate. I’ll always be worried that you won’t be able to fight them. Will she really be out of your life? I don’t want to go crazy wondering all these things.
  9. It’s actually not about her. Your heart isn’t committed to me — it’s obviously got room for someone else. Even if you never touch the other woman, your feelings for her are a sign that you’re over our relationship (or were never fully in it to begin with). So why not just end things now? It’ll be so much better for both of us.
  10. I dread the idea of you settling. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of a relationship in order to be with someone else. There’s always that fear of ruining a great thing. Maybe you’ve felt that, which means you’ve probably thought you should just stay put in the relationship. But I worry that you’re going to be settling for our relationship even though a part of you wants to go out and be with someone else. Ugh. I dread that so much and don’t want to be in a relationship like that. It’s unfair to me.
  11. I want great love and you can’t give that to me. I’m so much more than a body to warm your bed. I’m so much more than someone to keep you company. I want a great love, not just any old relationship, and if you can’t give that to me because you’re eyeing out someone else, then I don’t want to be with you.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.