If You’re Trying To Sext Before We’ve Even Met, I’m Done

I’m well aware that many people use Tinder to find quick hookups. I’m also aware that there are plenty of guys out there that aren’t looking for anything serious, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t necessarily want a relationship with every guy I go on a date with either. I’m open to a more casual situation if the opportunity should arise, but if a guy thinks it’s okay to start sexting me before we’ve even met in person, the only thing I’m going to be is grossed out.

  1. I already don’t like you. To be honest, by cutting right to the chase you’ve saved me a lot of time and energy. I don’t like players, and only players sext girls they don’t even know. Do you have any standards, or are you just letting every girl know that your penis is available for use just in case one of us happens to be insatiably horny right this minute?
  2. It ruins the mystery. Even if I already know before I’ve met a guy that I’m interested in sleeping with him, I don’t want to to talk about it in detail before it happens. I don’t want to know everything he plans to do to me and what position is his favorite. Some people think it builds the anticipation, but personally, I’d rather find all those things out in the moment.
  3. It suggests a serious lack of judgment. Guys who go around asking every girl if they want to hook up must have some kind of social dysfunction. Either that or they’re way too cocky for their own good. A guy with a brain knows he’ll have a better chance if he gets to know a girl first and at least makes it through the first coffee date without mentioning his penis.
  4. I don’t want to sleep with someone I can’t have a conversation with. I generally like to be comfortable with the guys I end up sleeping with and for that to happen, I have to be able to talk to them. It doesn’t have to be about our views on marriage and kids, but it has to be possible to have a non-sexual conversation with him. If he can’t do that, I’m not going to waste my time.
  5. I don’t even like sexting. Even when I’m dating someone, sexting isn’t one of my favorite hobbies. Most of the time I find it boring and I just end up responding halfheartedly while watching Netflix anyway. If I don’t want to sext with a guy I’ve had real sex with, why would I want to sext with someone I’ve never met?
  6. Hooking up isn’t my main objective. If all I was looking for were hook ups, maybe I’d be more receptive to the guys who want to talk about sex right away. At least then we both know what we’re getting into. But I’m looking for something a little more than that, so sexting just ends up being a huge red flag that tells me this guy isn’t worth my time or energy.
  7. I don’t Snapchat. If a 30-year-old guy asks me to add him to Snapchat, I’m going to assume he just wants to send me bathroom selfies of his torso or pictures of himself looking lonely in bed in some kind of weird attempt to guilt me into coming over to “keep him company.” This is only one of the many reasons why I don’t Snapchat.
  8. I have to protect myself from penis pictures. If you’re asking me what I’m wearing and if I like giving blow jobs before you’re asking where I’m from and what I do for a living, you deserve the label of potential penis pic sender. I don’t want to see a stranger’s penis on my phone, so my only option is to preemptively block you on the grounds that you’re probably going to send a penis pic in an attempt to entice me any minute.
  9. I have better things to do. The level of effort I’m going to put into crafting quality sexts for a stranger isn’t going to be high. If I do decide to humor him for a few minutes, it’s probably just because I’m with friends and we’ve already finished a couple bottles of wine. You’ve been warned.
  10. What’s the rush? I’m suspicious of guys who don’t have a second to waste on small talk. Are they really so busy that you can’t ask me how my day is going before inquiring whether I’m into “naughty fun”? My first instinct is never going to be to invite him over immediately. Instead, I’ll probably have to enjoy wasting his time pretending I’m into meeting up when in reality I have no intention of going anywhere.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.