Despite its name, being single is one of those things that’s really only fun in numbers. Surrounded by your crew of independent ladies, you can find comfort in your dedicated friendships and love in the sisterhood. If you’re going to be lonely, at least you’ll be lonely together. But then the worst happens: they meet someone. While it can get a little depressing to realize that you’re the only one riding solo in your group of friends, there is a way to use it your advantage. You can make the most of the situation — but only if you choose to. Here’s how:
Stop focusing on your status. There’s no need to make your lonely heart your only identifier. If you’re feeling like all you can think about is how you don’t have anyone to spoon with, then you need to get some new things to think about. Maybe it’s time to change up your career, start that new business or finally visit Thailand. Find something — literally anything — to take your mind off of your singlehood and onto something a little more productive.
And stop talking about it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants to hang around the girl who can’t stop whining about being alone. It’s okay to vent, but if all your conversations start with a sob story about the Tinder guy who stood you up or how you saw your ex-boyfriend’s college roommate and you wonder if that’s a sign, then you really just need to shut up for awhile. The more you talk negatively about being single, the more you’ll hate it. So start looking at your independence from a better point of view and soon you’ll realize you don’t have to talk about it at all.
Evaluate your friendships. This seems slightly bitchy, but we all have those girlfriends who only make time for us when they’re single. It’s like the moment they get into to a relationship, they go MIA. Never to be heard from again. So if you’re feeling lonely, it could just be because you got close with a bunch of girls who are only available when they’re totally available. So wish them luck and stop reaching out, because those aren’t the kind of friends you want anyway.
Get new friends. Even if your now coupled besties are angels who would never ghost you, their time for friends has now significantly decreased. Plus, they’re now a lot less likely to want to go out and meet new people. Don’t let that hold you back. It’s perfectly okay for you to find new single girls to hang out with and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Your bestie would much rather have chill wine night then hit up a foam party anyway.
Make friends with their boyfriends. I know in some ways, he’s the enemy. He’s the reason she’s not constantly coming over your house and going on late-night runs to Taco Bell. But if you’re nice and open to being friends with him, it will make seeing your friends so much easier. And you won’t feel like a third wheel if you’re friends with both parties. It’s just science.
Make friends with their boyfriend’s friends. The great thing about dudes is that they tend to travel in packs. And chances are, your friend’s new boyfriend probably has some fun single guys you can all hang out with. So rather than cry about your shrinking squad, look at it as a way to make it bigger.
Don’t make the goal to hurry up and get a boyfriend. Just because your girls are taken, doesn’t mean you have to be taken too. Don’t make the mistake of rushing into a relationship or settling for someone you re not totally into just so you guys can double date. And more than likely, you’re the only one putting that kind of pressure on yourself.
Don’t let them pressure you into getting a boyfriend. First of all, good friends do not do this. But if you’re finding yourself constantly being bombarded with questions about your love life, politely direct the conversation somewhere else. Or impolitely tell them to eff off. Some girls can’t take the hint.
Let the chapter close. Sure, that brief summer where you were all unattached and hanging 24/7 was great, but all good things come to an end. Just because it feels like everyone is taking off in the direction of romance, doesn’t mean your path is headed the wrong way. Your next chapter is what you make it, but you won’t be able to enjoy what’s coming if you keep holding on to what was.
Remember that there’s so much more to life than meeting a guy. Meeting a guy is great, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting it to happen. But you can’t control the time, place or color of his hair. All you can do is trust that one day it’s coming and enjoy your life for all the wonderful things it can be until then.
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