You’ve Already Found Your Soulmate — It’s You

Are you still searching for “The One”? Good news — it’s been you all along. The one person in the world who can make you whole, appreciate all that you are and all that you could be, and who will love you unconditionally until your very last breath has been looking at you in the mirror since birth. Here’s why you’re your own soulmate:

  1. Loving yourself needs to come first. If you want to get good at loving other people, you have to love yourself first. It’s a cliche idea, sure, but that’s because there’s so much truth behind it. There’s no way to successfully fall in love and care for someone emotionally if you don’t adore the person you’ve become.
  2. Friends aren’t always forever. There’s this societal myth surrounding female friendships that “guys come and go, but friends are forever.” It’s a nice concept, but guys AND friends come and go. That’s life. Just like you’d dump a toxic dude, you should feel comfortable cutting off a toxic friend. Don’t rely on anyone – partners or friends – to pick you up every time you fall for the rest of your life. Rely on yourself, and every relationship will be more authentic.
  3. It will take you a lifetime to build your relationship with yourself. You won’t figure out how to love yourself and then the job is done. You need to learn how to fall in love with yourself every single day, especially during the hard times. It’s work, but it’s also work that’s absolutely worth doing.
  4. Dating is disappointing. We all need to stop entering the dating world expecting to meet the man/woman of our dreams and live happily ever after. Real life doesn’t work like that. You’ll have to go through several painful conversations with vapid asshats before making deep connections, and even most of those don’t last. I realize this sounds pessimistic, but when you stop putting all your eggs into this fabricated basket that you have to meet someone to become “whole,” dating becomes fun, casual, and not the be all, end all of your existence.
  5. You’re fun AF all on your own. You’re a damn catch, and that’s not something anyone else needs to agree with in order for it to be true. You don’t need anyone else to keep you entertained. You have your own extraordinary brain. You ARE the party. People can flock to you, but even if they don’t, you’ll still have a good time.
  6. You can’t rely on someone else for happiness. A romantic partner or a best friend can make you happy, yes, but they can’t fix you and they shouldn’t be responsible for keeping you happy 24/7. That’s something you need to do on your own. Once you can be happy with you, the company of the ones you love will make you infinitely happier.
  7. It’s self-care 101. Is there any other tenet of self-care more important than falling in love with yourself? Once you place value on your body and soul, you instinctually want to care for both. We could all use more self-care, right? Consider yourself your own soulmate and you might just add a few years to your life.
  8. Loneliness is a killer. Loneliness is suffocating, debilitating and worst of all, it makes you question whether or not you are worthy of love. GTFO, loneliness. Honestly. You’re a queen and your presence is a gift. And as long as you embrace self-love to this degree, loneliness will never win.
  9. Your sexual partners won’t magically understand your needs. I’ve read so many romance/erotic novels wherein the woman knows the man is “The One” by the way he instantly knows her body and how to pleasure her to a point she’s never experienced before. Ugh, whatever. Being good at sex is all about paying attention to your partner and being an expert on your own needs. Most partners haven’t mastered the skill of paying attention, but even the ones who have aren’t necessarily “The One” just because of it. Figure out what gets you off by learning your own body and then making that known during sex. Then the weird romantic pressure vanishes and you’ll both actually have fun.
  10. It prevents wasted time. Think about how much time you’ll save by recognizing that you’re your soulmate. You won’t even bother with that “Could he be it for me?” train of thought after two days of DMing a rando who’s only charming until it becomes painfully obvious that he’s a tool. You can just flirt and have fun without agonizing over what will come next.
  11. It’s the most rewarding thing ever. There’s nothing else as rewarding as realizing you’re complete on your own. You don’t need to be someone’s “other half” to be a whole. This feeling makes you weightless and truly unstoppable.
  12. In the end, you’ll always have you. I reject the widespread terror linked to the idea of dying alone. At the end of your life, of course you want to be surrounded by your loved ones. But being alone at any part of your life shouldn’t be a scary concept. The company of others and the love of others does not define your success in life. I mean, honestly, would you rather your last thought to be, “Damn, I wish there was someone else here,” OR, “I lived well. I kicked ass. I’m ready”? Personally, I’d pick the latter every single time.
is a freelance writer for Bustle and Petcha, and editor for Wise Bread. She suffers from separation anxiety, and can't bear to be away from her dog for more than 20 minutes. Her dog doesn't seem to care either way. Sweater season is her favorite season.