You’ve Fallen For Your Hook-Up — Now What?

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What’s better than no strings attached love making — especially when it’s mind-blowing and available whenever you want it? You’ve got the perfect set-up. A hot hook-up who doesn’t want anything more than you in all your naked glory for a few hours at a time, but damn if your heart isn’t trying to ruin everything.

The worst has happened — you’ve fallen for your hook-up. Keeping your feelings out of it is one of the cardinal rules of casual situations, but love making is intimate and sometimes you realize you want more. Sometimes it works out and you end up as more; other times, not so well. Whatever you do, you’ll need to deal with it.

Ask yourself if it’s just about making love. Do you actually have a thing for him or have you just fallen for how well he treats you in bed? It’s more common than you might think. It could just be that you’re feeling lonely and making love with him makes you feel beautiful and loved. Make sure you actually care about him and not just his body.

Does he seem to have feelings for you? This is a hard one, but you should be able to notice subtle changes in how he acts. Maybe he holds you longer afterwards or you end up talking about each other’s day. The “relationship” might seem more like a friendship than a casual hookup situation. The more involved he seems to be with you, the more likely he is to have feelings for you.

Mention wanting to date someone else. It’s completely normal to talk about wanting to date someone. You’ve got a great thing going, so you want him to still be available if things don’t work out with someone else. See how he reacts. Is he jealous? Does he try to talk you out of it? Is he supportive, but acts kind of strange?

Give the “relationship” some space. The more often you hook up with the same person, the better chance you have at falling for them. See how deep your feelings are by giving yourself some space from him. Do you miss him? Does he miss you? If you move on easily, the feelings weren’t real to begin with. If you can’t stop thinking about him, it’s time to have a talk.

Ask him how he feels. Save this conversation for when you both have your clothes on. You need him focused on something other than your body. Tell him you’ve developed feelings for him and ask him how he feels. It might seem like the most awkward conversation of your life, but it has to be done. It’s the easiest way to make him see you’d rather be his girlfriend than his hook-up.

Don’t keep it to yourself. If you don’t feel up to talking to him just yet, that’s OK. Just don’t keep it to yourself or it’ll eat you alive. Talk to a friend about what’s going on. They’ll be your support as you figure out how to tell him and they’ll be there for you if things don’t turn out so well.

Attempt a real date. Ask him out on a date. What guy doesn’t like to eat? Hell, you don’t even have to tell him it’s a date. Ask him if he’d like to meet you for dinner before hooking up. It’s a good way to let him see you in a different light and gives you a chance to build a real relationship.

Don’t expect him to feel the same way. Rejection blows, but it’s a part of life. Cliche, I know, but it’s true. I don’t care how much you’ve envisioned him professing his love to you randomly, it’s possible that he might not feel the same way. Be realistic. Prepare yourself for the fact that he might never want more.

Move on if he’s not into you. Don’t torture yourself. There are plenty of other guys out there. Hooking up with a guy who you’ve got a thing for is just going to make you miserable. All he’ll do is hold you back. You deserve better.

End the “relationship” if he’s not sure yet. While it’s not technically a relationship, it’s still a vague form of one. It takes time, commitment and energy. Why waste your time on someone who’s not sure how they feel about you? He either wants more or he doesn’t. If he gives you a no or maybe, end things then and there.

It’s always stressful when you fall for your hookup. Take a deep breath and see how he feels. It’s better to be direct than get your heart broken a little at a time.

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