After a breakup, it’s easy to point the finger and blame your partner for the relationship coming to an end. Self-reflection has never been my strong suit, but I’ve finally come to terms that my last breakup was entirely my own fault. Here’s how I ruined what was a perfectly good relationship:
- I Compared Him to My Ex. I really thought I was over my ex, but come to find out, I wasn’t. This lingering baggage killed my new relationship before it could ever really get off the ground. Comparing my new boyfriend to my ex caused strife, resentment, and a bunch of issues no guy would ever want to deal with. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would’ve bailed on the relationship too, so I really can’t blame him for wanting things to come to an end.
- I Was Indecisive. Since the day we first met, I was always indecisive. It took me a few weeks to agree to go on our first date, and it took me even longer to agree to be his girlfriend. Even simple things, such as picking a restaurant for dinner would make me respond with, “I don’t know. Whatever you want is fine with me.” We would then get in constant fights because he was so frustrated that I could never make a decision and stick to it.
- I Took Him for Granted. I was clouded by the reality of our situation, and I didn’t even realize our relationship was in danger. I took him for granted and thought he would always be by my side no matter what we went through. Because I was so sure we would always be together, I didn’t treat him with respect nor did I give him the love he truly deserved.
- I Tried to Change Him. At the start of our relationship, I loved everything about him, but slowly, my need for control started to creep in. I started to suggest he wear new outfits, try out a different hairstyle and listen to different music. I was slowly stripping him away from everything he was and tried to turn him into what I thought my ideal boyfriend should be.
- I Spent All My Free Time With Him. Before I met him, my social calendar was packed, from Friday happy hour with the girls to acrylic paint classes every Wednesday night. I had my own life and hobbies outside of my relationship, and it was definitely one of the things that made me more attractive to him. But as our relationship progressed, I started to spend all of my free time with him and only him. Too much togetherness caused him to feel smothered and trapped.
- I Didn’t Put In The Work. Everyone says relationships are hard work but I never really believed it until I saw my own relationship crash and burn right before my eyes. I realized I wasn’t working hard enough to keep things afloat. The excitement was gone, the romance had left the building, and we started to hate being around each other. Instead of trying to fix things, I settled into a routine and neglected to make my relationship a priority.
- My Communication Skills Sucked. Whenever he attempted to talk to me about what was on his mind, I dismissed his feelings. It’s like we were speaking two different languages, and we were never able to resolve anything because my communication skills were severely lacking.
- I Rushed Into Things. Instead of taking the time to really consider whether I was ready for a relationship, I jumped into things feet first. Looking back, I know I wasn’t ready to be exclusive. I only wish I had taken a little more time to really get to know him and heal from my past experiences before agreeing to be his girlfriend.
- I Overanalyzed Everything. Every phone call and every text message were analyzed and dissected. If he didn’t answer a question the way I expected, I would feel disappointed, upset, and I would question whether he really loved me or not. My overanalyzing pushed him away and eventually created distance between us.
- I Nagged Him to Death. I knew nagging would kill our relationship, but that didn’t stop me from complaining and berating him about every little thing. My excessive nagging made him feel belittled – like I was the mother and he was the child. I really screwed up the dynamics of our relationship and left him feeling bitter. Being around me went from being fun and exciting to being a chore. When he finally reached his breaking point, it was far too late for me to rectify things. It was over, and he was completely fed up.
