Well, it happened — you broke up with your boyfriend. It’s bad enough that your heart is broken, but the paranoia that comes along with ending a relationship makes things even worse. And while some of your thoughts are legit, others are pretty ridiculous.
“Maybe I’ll never find love again.” Sure, your last boyfriend was totally horrible and treated you like garbage. Yes, you gave him chance after chance and he continuously decided to break your trust, but what if he was “The One”? Stop right there — that’s your paranoia talking. You’ll go on to have another boyfriend who’ll actually treat you right. In the slim chance that you don’t, singlehood is still way better than spending another minute with your awful ex. Seriously.
“Now my social life is gone.” When you’ve dated someone for awhile, your social groups often intertwine. It puts more at stake when you break up, but if these people truly liked you for you, you don’t have to burn all of those bridges. Remember, you didn’t break up with your friends, you broke up with your boyfriend. Things might be tense at the moment, but in time, they’ll probably reach a level of normal once again. (Also, you can always make a new group of friends.)
“What if he spreads rumors about me?” Well, what if he does? Then he’s a bully. While bullying is never cool and never the right answer — it’s especially pathetic in your 20s and 30s. If anything, it just shows how truly insecure your ex-boyfriend really is. Make sure you don’t engage because nothing good will come of it. Just ignore him and thank the heavens that he’s no longer in your life.
“Is it something I said?” If you weren’t the one who initiated the breakup, you might have a few questions as to why it happened in the first place. Listen, trying to nitpick every single part of the relationship will drive you insane. Accept the fact that it’s over and don’t overthink the minor moments that, in all likelihood, had nothing to do with the split.
“It’s another girl, isn’t it?” For some reason, women often get super paranoid about who may be replacing us before truly analyzing our relationships in the first place. If he noticed himself crushing on another girl, maybe it’s a good thing you two broke up since at least one of you wasn’t happy. It sucks, but it’s way better than having him cheat on you.
“What will his mom think?” If you’ve been together for awhile, you might have met his mom. Having to sever those relationships is tough, but it’s crucial. If you’re worried about his parents thinking negatively of you, just remember — it doesn’t affect you, they only know half of the story, and they’ve probably had their fair share of breakups before in the past. They know how all of this works.
“I probably have a horrible problem he just couldn’t tell me about.” It could be bad breath or a weird smell from your nether regions — no matter what, it’s a problem that he was likely too embarrassed to bring up to you that’ll likely c*ckblock you in future relationships. Right? Well, not really. First, you know your body best. Second, the situation is pretty unlikely. Third, if that’s truly what happened, he’s a coward who can’t communicate.
“Now I’ll have to change cities.” You might, if your ex is a psychopath — and if he is, good riddance. Just because you broke up doesn’t mean that you can never go to your favorite coffee shop again. You might run into him, yes, but he’s probably avoiding you just as hard as you’re avoiding him. Lay low for now, but please remember to keep living your life.
“He probably never liked me to begin with.” If he didn’t, he’d never have wanted to be your boyfriend. You have plenty of redeeming and lovely qualities. You’re just feeling down in the dumps right now because you just broke up with your guy, so everything seems like it’s just the worst.
“What if I never find someone in time to have kids?” Women get paranoid about the “magical age” where children become impossible to have, as if their lady parts shrivel up and disappear on their 35th birthday. Yes, it’s a bit harder as the years go on, but if you really want children, you can have children without a marriage certificate. It’s tough to figure out what you’ll be able to swing, but you probably shouldn’t be looking for a boyfriend solely for mating purposes anyway.
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