In isolated circumstances, certain behaviors may seem innocent enough, but these habits can manifest into relationship-ending and downright dangerous situations if they become a habit. Here are a few that might get out of hand.
Barely-there flirting with someone who’s not your partner This is never innocent. I know that sometimes you don’t even realize it’s flirting until it’s gotten out of hand, but this is such a bad idea if you actually care about your partner and your relationship. Flirting with another guy and not ending it as soon as you realize that’s what’s happening degrades trust, undermines how you say you feel about your partner, and just makes you look sleazy. If you aren’t getting enough attention at home, then do something about it—but not with another guy.
Not keeping your word So you stopped at the mall on your way home to grab a new lipstick for the weekend when you said you’d stop spending money and come right home. No biggie, right? Well… kind of. Although you’re a grown woman and can do what you want and this slight change of plans shouldn’t be a big deal, it’s more about keeping your word than what you’re actually doing instead. If your partner can’t trust you, do you really think they’ll want to stay with you?
Lying about your whereabouts This one actually has dangerous implications. I’m not an alarmist, but if you lie about where you are and something happens to you, how is your significant other supposed to help you if they don’t know where you are? Stuff happens and the world is a crazy place, so tell them you stopped at the mall or you’re having happy hour drinks with your coworkers and you’ll be home soon.
Losing your head when you have a fight It happens to all of us. You get into a fight with your S.O. and it escalates and you both say horrible, awful things that you cringe to think about the next day. But just because it happens to basically everyone doesn’t mean you should make it a frequent occurrence. Fights like this are really detrimental to your relationship and your mental health. Take a few breaths and walk away for awhile before you say something you don’t mean and that you can’t take back.
Snooping in things that are really none of your business If you’re paranoid enough to start snooping, you’re likely to find something you think proves that your partner’s doing something wrong when that might not be the case at all. Then you’ll confront them, look like a psycho, and cause a huge fight that probably didn’t need to happen. Yikes. Not to mention the fact that there are A LOT of things wrong with snooping: it shows you don’t trust your partner, it makes you look untrustworthy, and it will forever sit uneasily between the two of you. Do you really want them to start snooping through your stuff and misconstruing your texts or emails too?
Using emotional manipulation to get your way Have you ever been tempted to tell your partner you’re pregnant when you aren’t or make up lies about your ex to get their attention or sympathy? BAD IDEA. Screwing with someone like this is a dangerous game to play and can lead to really unsettling and downright unforgivable consequences (not to mention it kind of makes you a terrible person). Don’t create a web of lies you can’t get out of.
Getting other people involved in your relationship Do you call your mom or sister when you and your S.O. have a big fight? Do you tell other people about really personal stuff that happens in your relationship? We all need someone to talk to, but some things are better left unsaid to anyone who’s not your actual partner. You could cause some really serious drama. If you tell your sister your S.O. cheated but then decide to stay with them (which is your choice) do you think she’ll ever treat them the same way again? Think before you speak.
Spending money carelessly Money is one of the number one things couples fight about. Not having enough of it is hard, puts a lot of stress on your relationship and can lead to debt collection, repossessions, and other really terrible consequences. Spending money carelessly is a dangerous habit and can become an addiction before you even realize it. I know this sounds extreme, but I’ve seen it happen and it isn’t pretty. Start trying to save some money instead of spending all of it—your relationship will thank you.
Avoiding your past No one wants to be endlessly reminded of their past loves or mistakes. They’re in the past for a reason, right? Sure, but running from your past instead of facing it head-on is a bad idea too. You can pretend things didn’t happen or didn’t have an impact on you, but that’s denial and it is REALLY unhealthy. At some point in time, all of these unpleasant things you tried to run from will emerge, and usually at the worst possible time. Find someone you can trust to talk to or get a journal and get this stuff out in the open before it turns into something you can’t handle and you break down.
Drinking too much when you’re emotional Drinking is how we run away from our emotions a lot of the time because it helps us feel numb or forget for awhile. But it can also lead you to do really stupid things like go home with a stranger for the night or break your promise not to text your ex anymore. Emotions + alcohol= bad decision-making. Having a glass of wine to calm down is OK, but having two bottles and a meltdown is a whole other issue. Many a fight and unforgivable moment can be saved if you stop drinking before you can’t control yourself anymore.
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