You’re chatting to your friend or boyfriend when they say something that leaves your head spinning. Is it your imagination or are they judging you? Maybe they told you to chill out or they said they were “just kidding” after saying something mean. You feel like you can’t ask them about it without sounding confrontational because the phrase they used was so sneaky. Hmmm. If they’ve said any of the following 10 phrases, their words might seem innocent but they’re loaded with judgment. It’s not in your head!
1. “Calm Down.”
The worst thing that anyone can tell you when you’re angry or frustrated is to “calm down.” Has that ever helped anyone in history to chill out and feel better? NO! Although the person telling you to chill might mean well, it’s worth gently telling them that the phrase makes your blood pressure rise and it intensifies your emotions.
2. “That’s Interesting.”
You tell your friend about the cool idea you have for a book you want to write or you tell them about your promotion, and they respond with, “Interesting.” What gives? This word can come across as sarcastic. If the person doesn’t explain why it’s interesting or why they like it, then you have to wonder if they’re trying to appear polite but they’re actually judging you (or jealous of you).
3. “Jokes.”
You’re chatting to someone who criticizes you so you gasp, and then they say, “Jokes” or “Just kidding.” Right. How can this stupid word make you feel better? It doesn’t erase the criticism that they dished you. It’s convenient for them to try to cover themselves by saying that they were kidding around, but it’s insulting and they’re making fun of you. Do they want to start a fight or something? SMH.
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5. “Shame.”
Oh my word. Some people love throwing the word “shame” into conversation with you as though trying to appear sympathetic. For example, they might say, “Oh, shame!” when you say that you’re so stressed out with work. Or, they might say “Shame, man!” when you mention that you’re feeling self-conscious. How is “shame” supposed to make you feel better? It feels like you’re being judged by someone looking down on you.
6. “Eating all that sugar?”
You’re out for dinner with friends when one of your mates asks if you’re okay with eating all the sugar in the delicious dessert you’ve ordered. Um, what? If you weren’t, then you wouldn’t be ordering it. Why should your so-called friend care about what you’re eating? Don’t you just love how this comment seems laced in concern when it’s not? Ugh.
7. “If I Were You…”
When you confide in someone about a problem you’re experiencing, the last thing you want is for them to tell you in a sing-song voice what they would do if they were in your situation. They say, “If I were you, I’d never let a guy talk to me like that” or “If I were you, I’d wear contacts instead of glasses.” Right. Just the way it sounds, it comes off as so self-righteous.
8. “Do You?”
Throw “Do you?” at the end of someone’s sentence and immediately it feels more judgemental. For example, if you tell someone that you love to dress up, and they reply, “Do you?” it feels like they’re challenging your statement. Similarly, if you say, “I really prioritize my friends,” and they say, “Do you?” you might do a double-take. What, are they implying that you don’t know how to clean up nicely or you don’t support your friends?
9. “That Must Be Difficult.”
When you talk about something that’s been stressful for you and your friend/acquaintance says, “That must be difficult,” you’d be forgiven for wanting to say, “Um, no duh, Sherlock.” Of course it’s difficult! Is that all they can say? What, are they implying that you’re being dramatic or something? This is so infuriating.
10. Â “As Long As You’re Happy.”
You giddily tell your friend how excited you are to go with your BF on a road trip or you show her pics of your new apartment, and instead of sharing your enthusiasm, she says, “As long as you’re happy.” An alternative to this is, “If you’re happy, I’m happy!” Chances are, when you hear this, you don’t feel happy at all. They might be saying this because they don’t want to tell you what they really think: that they disagree with you. Ugh.
11. “I’m Just Being Honest.”
There’s nothing wrong with being honest, but let’s be real: sometimes people use the term “honesty” to cover up for when they just want to be blunt AF. Telling someone that you’re just being honest sounds so innocent until you launch into why they can’t seem to make a relationship work or outline blunt reasons why they’re always being cheated on. Geez. Unless you’ve asked them for no-holds-barred advice, they need to hold themselves back.
