Cheating is no one’s fault but the person who’s being unfaithful. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s infidelity, no matter their reasoning or the excuses they make. That being said, there might be certain behaviors you’re guilty of that can go a long way in explaining why you keep getting cheated on in every relationship you’re in. If you want to get to the bottom of it once and for all and ultimately change your fate, we’re here to help. Here’s what might be going on.
1. You’re drawn to toxic people.
If you find the bad boy/bad girl attractive and tend to lose interest in those who don’t have that rebellious, mysterious edge, you probably shouldn’t be surprised when they fulfill that image by cheating on you (often repeatedly). Those who lack emotional intelligence or basic regard for the people they claim to care about likely aren’t concerned with remaining faithful.
2. You ignore obvious red flags.
It’s possible that they were waving them directly in front of your face all along, but you were so blinded by your attraction to them or maybe even a desire not to be alone anymore that you blazed right on past them and continued with the relationship. When you notice something doesn’t quite seem right, you should trust your gut. When you don’t, nine times out of 10 it’ll come back to bite you. If they flirt with other people in front of you, stay on dating apps even though you’ve decided to be exclusive, or openly admit they struggle with monogamy, it stands to reason you might get cheated on down the line.
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4. You’re too trusting.
Being able to see the best in people and giving the benefit of the doubt can be wonderful qualities to have, and they’re reflections of what a kind, empathetic person you are. However, trust has to be earned — it shouldn’t be given by default simply because you want to believe they’d never do you wrong. Manipulative people and players will use your trusting nature against you and will take serious liberties with it.
5. You’re insecure and always put yourself down.
Confidence is attractive, there’s no doubt about that. While being insecure about certain things about yourself is natural and not an excuse for your partner to be unfaithful, it’s possible that your severe lack of self-esteem and your overly self-deprecating nature is becoming off-putting. If your partner comes across someone who has that swagger that comes with being self-assured, they’re likely going to be drawn to that, and they may even act on it.
6. You have no backbone.
Trying to be the “cool girl” (or guy) in a relationship rarely works out well in the long-term. Sure, you don’t want to come off as an uptight control freak who wants to dictate everything your partner does, but you also need to stand up for yourself. If they’re doing something that’s hurting your feelings, disrespecting you, or simply not considering you at all, you can and should call it out.
7. You cheated first.
It’s no wonder you keep getting cheated on if you’re a cheater yourself. Emotional affairs or sleeping with someone else are never “accidents,” and while your partner might forgive you, they might also see it as a free pass to get back at you by doing the exact same thing. This kind of tit-for-tat is incredibly toxic and a sure sign you need to end your relationship. But before you get to that stage, there’s going to be a whole lot of infidelity going on.
8. You date people who’ve cheated before.
Once a cheater, always a cheater? Maybe not — but most likely. Studies have shown that a person who has been unfaithful in a previous relationship is three times more likely to do it again in the future. They can claim they’ve changed and grown all they want, but the proof is in the pudding. If they think they can get away with it and they have poor impulse control, they’ll probably try their luck.
9. You pretend not to notice.
Maybe you recognize the signs that your partner is engaged in some unscrupulous behavior with someone else but you do nothing about it. You’re comfortable in the relationship, whether financially, socially, or otherwise, and you don’t want to rock the boat, so you just pretend you don’t notice and keep on trucking. I don’t need to tell you how bad of a decision this is (or how depressing!), but it’s also an explanation for why you keep getting cheated on. If you accept it, why would it ever stop?
10. You put other people first.
While your partner can’t be your number one priority 24/7, if you consistently put other people or things above them, they’re going to eventually get fed up. They’ll begin to feel neglected or taken for granted and might wonder if you’re even invested in the relationship anymore. While they should have a conversation with you about it, they may simply react out of pain or anger by seeking solace elsewhere.
11. You don’t put enough effort into your relationships.
You went all out to be the ideal partner when you first got together, but now that you’ve been a couple for a while, your effort levels have definitely dipped. You don’t go out of your way to do anything romantic or to show affection or appreciation for your partner, so again, they start to feel disillusioned with the relationship. While that’s not an excuse for infidelity, it does offer a bit of insight into why it happens.
12. You don’t set boundaries.
If you find that you keep getting cheated on in pretty much every relationship you’re in, there’s a fair chance that you don’t know how to set boundaries. Maybe you don’t even understand what boundaries are! In essence, it’s rules you put in place for the behaviors you won’t accept. A respectful partner who cares about you will respect those boundaries and never cross them. If they never exist at all, you know what that will lead to…
13. You don’t enjoy or prioritize intimacy.
Let’s clear one thing up here first: What happens in the bedroom is not the most important aspect in a relationship, and there are going to be times when this part of your life suffers or even ceases entirely. Life happens. However, if you’re someone who legitimately dislikes or avoids physical intimacy, your partner is going to pick up on that. Eventually, they’ll start to seek that kind of thrill and connection with someone who’s a bit more into it.
14. You forgive too easily.
If they were unfaithful before and you let it go the minute they gave a half-hearted “I’m sorry,” it’s no wonder you keep getting cheated on. That’s not to say that relationships can’t survive infidelity, just that a lot of work and healing needs to take place for that to be the case. Simply brushing it under the carpet so that you can resume business as usual will always backfire.
15. You don’t meet your partner’s needs.
This is entirely separate from physical intimacy (though that’s one aspect). In reality, people often cheat because other needs aren’t being met in their primary relationship. Maybe they’re seeking attention, physical affection, or even emotional support. If they’re not getting it from you and someone else is willingly providing it, they’re going to be drawn to it without a doubt.
16. You don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Maybe you grew up with parents who had a fractured relationship or you simply lacked any examples of a healthy connection when you were growing up. As a result, you have no idea what a good partnership is supposed to be like. When you keep getting cheated on, you almost accept it as normal or acceptable because you don’t know any different. (Newsflash: it’s not normal or acceptable!)
17. You’re a workaholic.
Again, this isn’t an excuse for infidelity, but it is a possible contributor. If you spend 12 hours a day at the office and then are so exhausted when you get home that all you want to do is order UberEats and shower before bed, that’s going to put a wedge between yourself and your partner. They may look for someone who has more time and energy to dedicate to them, and it’s hard to blame them…
18. You lose yourself in relationships.
If you don’t know who you are without your partner, you’re going to find it hard to find the strength and independence to stand up for yourself when they cheat on you. You’re too scared to stand on our own two feet, so you let them get away with terrible things to ensure you never have to do so.
19. You value chemistry over love.
Maybe you keep ending up with the type of people who cheat because your connections are based on initial attraction rather than deep-seated connections. Sure, it makes things really hot in the bedroom, but it doesn’t often translate to commitment and long-term love. If the latter is what you’re looking for, you’ll need to change your checklist.
20. You don’t respect yourself.
Ouch, this one hurts, but it warrants saying. If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? They’ll see the blatant disregard you have for your own worth and they’ll act accordingly. If you keep getting cheated on, you may need to look inward to determine whether or not you need to boost your self-confidence. (If you’re struggling, these affirmations to help you remember your self-worth might come in handy.)
21. You never learn from past mistakes.
Every failed relationship is an opportunity to learn and evolve. If you completely disregard every lesson presented to you and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, you only have yourself to blame.
