I’m So Over Trying To Be The “Cool” Girlfriend

I have a confession to make: I’m not a “cool girl.” I think beer is gross. I can only take sports in moderation. When I “act like a dude,” it’s unsettling rather than sexy. Not all guys want a girl who can act like a bro and still look like a model from the moment she wakes up. However, a lot of them do. I used to try to be every guy’s dream woman. Not anymore. Here is why I’m done trying to be the “cool” girlfriend.

  1. I’m not sacrificing my happiness for someone else’s. I know dudes want a girl who can just be “one of the guys” while still being a beautiful sex goddess. But honestly, I’m not down for all that entails. There are a lot of sports that I don’t enjoy watching. And sorry, but I’m not going to be cool with my boyfriend going to a strip club every weekend. Those things might make HIM happy, but they’d make me miserable. I’m not going to pretend like I’m cool with this as his girlfriend. No thanks.
  2. If he doesn’t like who I am, he can find someone else. I don’t mess with any guy who tries to talk me into doing things I don’t want to do. Same goes for tolerating things I find unacceptable. I’m sure there are plenty of girls out there who will keep their mouths shut when their guys repeatedly cancel plans with them to hang out at the bar. I’m not one of them.
  3. I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not. I’ve tried to be the “cool” girlfriend before, and I hated every minute of it. I felt more like I was being a doormat than I was a girlfriend. I was doing all these things to please my boyfriend instead of myself. Now I know better. I’m never again going to bring someone who isn’t 100% me into a relationship, no matter how “uncool” it makes me.
  4. I’m not a bitch for having boundaries. Not turning a blind eye when he’s texting five other girls doesn’t mean I’m hard to deal with. It means I’m normal. I don’t take crap from anyone, regardless of how much I like them. If a guy thinks that makes me a bad person or not a cool girlfriend, fine. He’s free to find someone else with less of a backbone than I have.
  5. The standards for being a “cool girlfriend” are not ones I’m interested in meeting. I’m perfectly awesome just the way I am. I don’t need to be able to drink people under the table to prove it. I feel like the prerequisites for being a “cool girlfriend” are always centered around being a feminine version of whoever I’m dating. I prefer to be myself. And yeah, that means I’ll often prefer to stay home reading a book in my pajamas instead of going to the game.
  6. I have no interest in being a pushover. There are plenty of women out there who naturally fit the description required for “cool girls.” They’re fine with their guys hitting on other women. They don’t ask questions when their boyfriends come home at five in the morning. It’s no biggie when they make plans that their partners cancel at the last second. Sorry, but I definitely don’t fall into that category. Pretending like I did would just mean changing my standards to make a guy happy.
  7. There’s nothing wrong with the way I am now. I’m a cool girl, not a “cool girl.” Just because I’m not a cookie-cutter model of the sexy, sporty, chill girl that gets idolized in movies doesn’t mean I’m not worth dating. I’m fun to be around, and not to brag, but I think I’m a pretty great catch. If that’s not enough for someone, he can keep chasing his imaginary dream girl.
  8. It’s too much work. Back when I tried to be that “cool girlfriend,” I was emotionally exhausted. Plus, I was hell-bent on forcing myself to be a certain way, and it was so far off from who I really was that I felt like a shadow of my true self by the time the relationship ended. It’s way easier to just be myself and let the right guy come along instead of wearing myself thin trying to be a guy’s artificial Princess Charming.
  9. I’m not afraid to say no. I can sometimes be a bit of a people pleaser, but when it comes to my relationships, I don’t pretend to be okay with something when I’m really not. If my boyfriend asks me if I’m okay if he goes out for dinner with his ex, I’m going to say no. He can do with that what he will, but I’m not about to put aside my values just so I seem like I’m easygoing.
  10. It’s not worth it. No matter how sexy or sweet a guy might be, it’s never worth sacrificing major parts of your personality just to make him happy. I’d much rather live with the person I am now than resent myself and my boyfriend for trying to be someone I’m not. There is no man on Earth worth giving up my self-worth and standards for.
  11. I believe in meeting in the middle. If a guy expects me to bend over backward to be the woman of his teenage dreams, he’d better be willing to do the same for me. Honestly, I’m willing to bend a little bit — I’ll pick and choose my battles, and I’ll do things that he wants to do even when I’m less than enthusiastic about them myself. But if he expects me to do all the heavy lifting, he’s got another thing coming.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.