Great guys may seem like mythological creatures but while they’re rare, they definitely exist. All the liars, players, and otherwise toxic men you date are just bumps in the road to finding a good one. Here’s how you know you’ve found the right guy, as well as why you shouldn’t worry if it hasn’t happened for you yet. Don’t worry, it will.
There’s no game playing. No weeks of him going missing, no waiting to get a text back, and the relationship flows naturally. It’s not always easy (love never is), but it works. It’s not forced. You’re not bending pieces until they fit. The right guy has the same goals in mind as you and game playing isn’t going to help reach them. You can trust him. Trust is such a rarity these days, but he’ll never give you reason to doubt him.
You feel safe with him. The world can be cold but the right guy can be your safe place. A man is instinctively protective of those he loves. “The One” makes it his priority to make sure no one or thing hurts you, unlike the jerks before who made you feel vulnerable and sometimes ashamed. No place feels safer than wrapped up in his arms.
You can rely on him when things get tough. It’s not easy to find someone who has your back no matter what—most guys can barely put in the effort to text you back. Finding the right guy is finding someone who WANTS to be there for you. He wants to make sure you’re safe and well taken care of. He’s that ride or die guy for you. Life becomes easier with a good partner by your side, and sometimes, it can literally save your life.
You never feel alone. You see yourself with him forever. You don’t picture lonely Christmas Eves sharing old Chinese food with your cat. You have someone by your side with whom you can face the world. No matter what life brings to you, you know you can get through it with him by your side. Most importantly, you never have to doubt that he’s by your side and in your corner. He proves it over and over again.
He keeps you balanced. The right guy matches, loves, and respects your fire while making sure you don’t burn out. On the hard days, he’s there to lift you up. On the great days, he’s ready to catch you in case you fall. If you’re nervous, he’s your serenity and if you’re feeling wild he’s there to cheer you on. The right relationship keeps you balanced so you never fall too hard or fly too close to the sun. When you meet the right guy, you’re on even keel.
He boosts your confidence. He doesn’t nitpick your imperfections to bring you down. Actually, he teaches you to LOVE your imperfections just as he does. He doesn’t call you names or criticize you in subtle or overt ways. Instead, he reminds you every day in hundreds of different ways that you’re beautiful. He makes you feel like you can take any challenge head-on. His focus is to build you up, not tear you down. Life is way easier with a support system to fall back on.
You’re finally able to let your guard down. No spending three hours trying to think of witty one-liners. No Photoshop. No secrets or lies or embellishments. This relationship is past all that because you impress him for who you are and not who you feel like you have to pretend to be. You can truly be the rawest version of yourself and be loved for it. There’s nothing more liberating than being truly loved for who you are.
You don’t fight dirty. There’s a difference between disagreeing, arguing, and actually FIGHTING. You don’t always have to agree, and there are times you make each other mad and step on each other’s toes because you’re two totally different people. However, when you argue, you don’t fight dirty. You communicate productively because you both have the same goal in mind—a happy relationship and a future together.
He’s your best friend. You want him around for everything and everything is better with him by your side. If something great happens, he’s the first person you want to share it with. If something terrible happens, he’s the person you need by your side to get you through. It’s more than just a physical relationship—hell, it’s even more than an emotional relationship. He just GETS you like only a best friend would.
Home becomes a person. You could move halfway across the country with him and still feel like you’re home. You can be on an entirely different planet and feel OK because he’s there with you. You know what they say—”home is where the heart is”—and this relationship helps you realize how true that saying is.
He’s not afraid of labels. After a decently appropriate amount of time getting to know each other, he won’t have any problem calling you his girlfriend. Commitment doesn’t send him running for the hills and his not concerned with what will happen if he puts you on his Snapchat story. A guy who isn’t interested in being your boyfriend will tell you things like he doesn’t believe in labels or doesn’t want to move too fast. Things with a guy who is interested will progress naturally, and you won’t constantly feel the need to ask, “What are we?”
Things you no longer have to worry about when you meet the right guy
How perfect your life looks on Instagram. You don’t need to post hundreds of pictures of your boyfriend in order to feel validated. If you actually decide to post one, it won’t be of the two of you kissing for the camera. It’ll be of you making silly faces with beer bottles in your hands, because who cares how others view you?
Following ridiculous relationship rules. If you have something to say to him, you’ll double text him without giving it a second thought. You’ll even triple text him, because you know rules were meant to be broken.
If your friends approve of your partner. If you know you’re with the right person, you won’t give a damn about how cute you two look to the outside world. If your friends all hate him, so what? They’ll just have to deal with it.
Queefing or bumping heads in bed. Sex isn’t a nerve-racking experience, anymore. If anything embarrassing happens, you’ll just laugh it off.
Shaving every inch of your skin. Your boyfriend isn’t going to freak out when he runs his hand up your leg and feels a little bit of stubble. He has plenty of it on his chin. It’s only natural.
Spending hours getting ready. Your boyfriend already knows you can rock a little black dress and stilettos. He doesn’t have to be reminded of it every time you step foot in his house. That’s why you usually just show up in jeans and a sweatshirt.
If the pets are watching you get it on. You’re not going to shield your cat’s eyes when he peeks at you during sex. He’s seen it all before, anyway.
How much money you spend on each other. You’re long past the time of trying to impress each other. If you know your partner would prefer a bag of Cheetos to a gold watch, then you’ll buy the cheaper gift. It’s the thought that counts.
Where you go on your dates. You don’t have to go out to five-star restaurants every Friday to keep the romance alive. You’d be perfectly happy sitting on the couch, playing a drinking game while you watch Fuller House.
How often you’ve been having sex. You’re not going to keep count of all of the times you two have gotten it on. As long as you’re both sexually satisfied, there’s nothing to worry about. It isn’t a competition.
Sending the perfect texts. You’re not going to spend hours crafting the perfect reply to his messages. You’re just going to type out your response without bothering to see if autocorrect changed anything. He knows you well enough to understand what you’re trying to say, even if there are typos galore.
Looking sexy in pictures. Instead of slipping into your lingerie to have a photo shoot for him, you’ll send him selfies without applying makeup or even smiling at the camera. He knows what you look like, so what’s the difference?
Haven’t met your person yet? Here’s why you shouldn’t stress
It’s a necessary part of the process. Disappointment and rejection aren’t fun, but believe it or not, they’re an important part of the process of finding love. The next time you feel yourself getting down and feeling hopeless about your own happily ever after, remember that your experiences are only bringing you closer to one that will actually stick.
Use it as a learning experience. Douchebags and idiot guys are definitely good for one thing: showing you what you do and don’t want in a relationship. Sure, some people get lucky and find the love of their lives without any of the terrible luck that you’ve had, but rest assured that one day you’ll wake up next to someone you truly love, knowing full well that he’s the guy meant for you because you have real experience and life lessons under your belt.
You have a thick skin from experiencing the worst. Being screwed over, lied to, cheated on and ghosted isn’t fun for anyone. However, the harsh truth is that all of these things, even though they’re annoying AF, are all making you a stronger and more badass woman overall. When you finally do find your unicorn, you’re not going to sweat the small and petty things in your relationship. Instead, you can bask in bliss and appreciation for the guy who’s finally stepped up to the plate and treated you the way truly deserve.
That right guy will really stand out above the rest. When you’ve dated a ton of douchebags, those good guys really do start to shine brighter. You look at good and honest men with a fresh set of eyes, which is exactly why you’re going to end up with the best man yet. You can appreciate the little things and won’t let the right guy slip away when he finally comes along.
You start to realize your own worth and demand what you deserve. When you’ve been through enough heartbreak, you start to gain a lot more confidence because you know you’re capable of being broken down and building yourself right back up again. You’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable for love and even if it hasn’t worked out, you should be proud of yourself for trying. You might not have love yet, but when you know you’ve been treated unfairly, it really does shine light onto what you truly do deserve from love. It’s out there.
Survival is only for the fittest. You wouldn’t be braving douchebags you can’t handle, so be proud of the fact that you’re only being dished with the BS you can survive. Some people need an easy journey, but not you — you know that putting in the work and wading through the crap will eventually lead you to something amazing (or at least that’s the hope).
You become indestructibly strong. Learning through trial and error exactly what you want and who you are is a completely empowering and amazing experience. If it wasn’t for those douchebags, you wouldn’t know just how much BS you can withstand and walk away from. You don’t need anyone but yourself to be happy and that’s pretty amazing.
Those douchebags never deserved you. If any of those douchebags was the right douchebag for you, he would still be around (and he wouldn’t be an douchebag, for the record). Don’t look back at what didn’t work out. Instead, get excited about what’s coming up — real love.
You’re meant for better things, so get ready. It’s time to pick the broken pieces of your heart off the ground, straighten your crown and walk into your future like a boss — you earned this. Sure, the road is going to get rocky sometimes and you might even brave a few more douchebags along the way, but every step is just bringing you that much closer to love. Get ready for it.
A few more things to consider
Guys can tell if you’ve only got marriage on your mind. Do you want to be with someone you love and respect or do you just want to get married? Be honest with yourself here. It’s much better to be married to someone you love at the age of 45 than to rush the process at 25 to a guy you barely know because you want the “wife” role. When you start dating, guys can totally tell if you’re looking to make a genuine connection or if you’re just terrified of being single.
You’re more likely to try to “change” a guy into what you want if you’re impatient. Simply put, that’s not cool. Everyone has a little bit of self-improvement they need to make throughout their lives, but finding someone and pushing big improvements will only lead to resentment and disaster. Remember, he’s a human — not a paper doll. The true guy of your dreams is out there and won’t need to be “worked on.” He’ll just naturally be on the same page as you.
Dating for the sake of dating is a waste of your time. If you know he’s not great but figure that being attached is better than being single, stop and think for a second. By dating a loser, you’re blocking yourself from meeting someone you have a true connection with. Do you really want to look back and realize that you wasted your best years on people you don’t even care for?
There’s no expiration date for milestone moments. Most women get married in their 20s and early 30s, yes. But really, there’s no specific window of time. You can, and should, get married when you know for sure that you’re in love with someone. It’s different for everyone. Wouldn’t you rather tie the knot with your soulmate later in life or some guy you’re not totally compatible with today?
Being single helps you figure out what you truly want. If you can’t remember the last time you were single, you’ve probably had no time to really sit down and evaluate your own wants and needs. How can you find Mr. Right, when you’re not even totally sure what you’re looking for? Likewise, if you were last single in high school, surely your priorities and tastes have changed since. For one, you’re not attracted to a guy due to his impressive t-shirt collection from Hot Topic like you were as a sophomore. (At least, hopefully not.)
No one is actually convinced that your dud is Mr. Right. Your friends just want you to be happy, but when you try really hard to sell them on someone, it’s pretty obvious. For one, your friends are smart and mature enough to form their own opinions on someone. Two, your happiness is evident through your reactions and expressions. Telling people you’re happy and convinced that this guy is “The One” will only reinforce the fact to others that he’s more of a placeholder.
Dating shouldn’t be a hobby. There are only 24 hours per day, and most of those are taken up by work and sleep. If you’re starting to get a little intense about settling down with someone, you’re probably pushing aside other important aspects of life, like friendships, interests, and self-care. Dating is best in moderation, and that means that you’re not going to fall in love tomorrow. Nourishing your actual hobbies and relationships will make you much happier in the long run.
Divorce is expensive. Really, it is. While divorce is unfortunately common, it doesn’t mean that people like to spend money on lawyers and heartache. With relationships, you never know for sure, but if you’re rushing it or forcing it, the chance of a legit “happily ever after” are somewhat slim.
Rose-colored glasses are real and can be incredibly damaging. You’ve probably heard the expression before. When you wear rose-colored glasses, you tend to see things as being better than they are. Sadly, they’re super common in new relationships — especially when you really, truly want to believe that your guy is “The One.” The more you convince yourself of this guy’s heroic qualities, the tougher it’ll be to escape a really awful relationship down the line.
You don’t want to wonder whether or not you settled. When it comes to romance, you have the right to be picky. Wondering down the line if you settled is a heartache waiting to happen. When you let love come to you, and give it time to mature, you’re much more in control of your own feelings, emotions, and future. If you feel impatient now, trust me — that feeling is much better than wondering in a year or so if you could have been happier.