Been there, done that, won’t do it again. I’ve been married once and I don’t plan to ever walk down the aisle a second time. There are so many people on their third or fourth marriage and I have to question their sanity. Why would anyone put themselves through that more than once?
- Nothing changes with a slip of paper. In a relationship, nothing really changes when you get married. Yes, names change, finances change, but the relationship itself doesn’t really change. There is no need to get married to continue a relationship. I don’t need that paper to have commitment if I wan it. I can be in a serious relationship forever if I chose to do so without walking down the aisle.
- Weddings are overrated. Weddings are expensive, stressful, and only last one day. A lot of work and planning goes into a wedding for one day of fun. It’s supposed to be the “best day of your life” but often things go wrong and you end up worrying about the guests and their experiences. Instead of having a wedding, why not simply throw a party? You’ll be less stressed and there won’t be the pressure of it being the “best day ever.” That’s what I plan to do.
- You can leave when you want. Yes, technically you can walk out the door in a marriage, but it’s a little harder. Legally, you’re still married and connected to that person. If you’re just simply dating someone and you find it not working, you can leave with no legal consequences. Live together, get a cat, but don’t get married and don’t get credit cards or loans together and you’ll be fine. That’s my approach anyway.
- Marriage makes you fall into a rut. Now, this won’t happen immediately and it may not even happen in every marriage, but studies have shown that in a comfortable marriage, people become complacent. They gain weight, they stop dressing up for their spouse, and the spark goes away. In a relationship, that spark might last longer. You look forward to seeing the other person each Friday night or look forward to text messages each day. There’s not a rut if you aren’t falling into the same old schedule with your significant other.
- It doesn’t make sense financially. When I separated from my ex-husband, I changed all the accounts into my name and split the debt from the marriage in half. I bought my own house and paid my own bills. It doesn’t make sense financially to get married again. With marriage, you take on someone else’s bills and debt. Even if your name isn’t on that loan, you’re still legally tied to the person whose name does appear on it.
- My friendships suffered while I was married. It wasn’t like my husband forbade me from having friends or anything, but you hang out with “couple” friends and do things with them. Single friends don’t want to be the third wheel so they slowly drift out of married couples’ lives. And when you start having kids, you find friends with kids. It’s a cycle. My friendships I had before marriage certainly were not the same when I came out of my it.
- I want to be independent. Not that I won’t ever be in another relationship, but I think when you’re married, you fall into this routine where you turn to your spouse for everything. Financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, they are your go-to person. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I want some independence from another person. I don’t want to rely on someone else for my happiness.
- A lot of marriages end in divorce. It’s estimated that 60% of second marriages end in divorce. I don’t want to go through that again, so why put myself in that situation in the first place? You can live with someone forever and have a long-term relationship without getting married, and should that end, it can end without getting divorced.
- It takes a lot of time to make a marriage work. I’m sure you’ve heard that marriages are like jobs and they take a lot of work. They certainly do. I have a full-time job already and I don’t have time for another one. I also just don’t have the energy to make a marriage work. I would rather spend my time furthering my career and spending time with my daughter. I don’t want to have to feel guilty for not putting effort into a marriage.
- I don’t want stepkids. The reality at my age is that I would have to marry someone who has been married before or at least has kids. This may be selfish, but I don’t want to deal with step-kids, an ex-wife, and the baggage that goes along with all that. I know that’s asking a lot as I have a kid and an ex-husband that someone would need to deal with, but I’m just not interested in taking on someone else’s life where it ended.
