By now, you’ve probably been in so many relationships that you know pretty much right away whether or not a guy is worth your time or not. Most of the time you just feel it in your gut, but there are also some tell-tale signs when the dude you’re dating is mature, has his act together, and is actually ready for an adult relationship. Are you in one? Here’s how to tell:
You don’t feel like you have to be around him 24/7.
It’s normal to want to spend quality time with your S.O. but you should still be able to have your own life outside of him, no matter how crazy you are about each other. In a mature relationship, you’re not only cool with doing your own thing and your boyfriend doing his, but you insist on it. Spending time apart gives you stuff to talk about when you’re together and it also allows you to miss each other, which keeps things fresh and ensures you don’t get bored/start taking each other for granted.
Your friendships don’t suffer just because you have a boyfriend.
When you’re young and you fall in love, your friendships tend to suffer because of it. You spend all your time hanging out with him, talking to him, talking ABOUT him… you get the picture. Thankfully, once you both grow up, you learn how to balance time with your boyfriend and time with your BFF and you value both equally.
You don’t need to text back and forth all day.
If you have to text with your boyfriend 24/7 because one or both of you feels insecure when you’re not in touch, there’s a serious problem. Not answering a text or getting an answer to yours doesn’t mean the other person is up to something shady or has suddenly decided they want to break up, and people in a mature relationship know this. Plus, if you’re constantly texting back and forth with your S.O. what the hell are you going to have to talk about when you actually hang out?
You’re not in a rush.
When you’re younger, you tend to be in a rush for everything in a relationship. You want to do so many things with your partner so quickly because you’re afraid that something could go wrong and you’ll miss out on experiences you’ve dreamed about your whole life. A more laid-back and trusting bond is what you’ll have when you’re in a mature relationship. If you have to cancel out on your movie date this week, you won’t stress. You know you’re not going anywhere and neither is your guy, so you can count on just rescheduling. You trust that they’re going to stick around long enough that you can experience milestones when they’re meant to happen, not when you force them to.
You don’t want to change things about him.
When you’re in an adult relationship, you won’t try to change your S.O. because you know you don’t need to (and couldn’t even if you tried). You know that they’re not perfect, but that’s exactly why you love them—because their flaws make them, well, them. You picked them to date for just that reason so changing them is just not something you’re interested in.
You don’t want to change things about yourself.
While you’re happy with things about your partner, he also makes you feel more secure about yourself if you’re in an adult relationship. You know that he loves you for who you are and doesn’t judge you for your flaws. He encourages you to be the best version of yourself that you can be, so long as it’s the person YOU want to become.
You’re not afraid to talk about the future—and be serious about it.
In a mature relationship, you’re together not to just have someone by your side, but to keep this person by your side. It’s not a temporary situation. You know that if you’re with someone, it’s because you see a future with them and the two of you aren’t afraid to discuss it. You’re always thinking about what kind of house you two want, if you see kids in your future, and how your families are one another’s now.
If you argue, it’s actually about something worth arguing about.
When you phase out of immature relationships, you stop arguing about stupid little things that won’t matter in the long run. Obviously every couple is going to fight at one point or another, but when you fight, it’s about something important that you’re both passionate about, not whose turn it was to wash the dishes.
You’re always thinking more “we” than “me.”
Whether it’s booking a vacation, what you’re going to eat for dinner, or looking for new apartments, you’re always factoring your S.O. into your decisions, big or small. You wouldn’t want to think about booking a vacation and leaving him out and you’re factoring what he can afford into your rent budget when searching for a new place. Everything is about “we” not just “me.”
You have complete trust and love for each other.
There’s really no substance to a relationship unless there is trust and love—100 percent. If you don’t love or trust your partner with your whole heart, you’ll only end up mentally exhausted in the end and no one wants that.
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