10 Reasons Strong, Independent Women Are The Hardest To Love

Strong, independent might be the best girlfriends a guy could possibly have, but we’re also some of the hardest people to love. We have plenty of great qualities, but when it comes to relationships, we can totally flake. It’s great to be with a woman who totally kills it at life, but it can come at a cost. Here are a few qualities that can make us more challenging than most:

  1. We can be cold. We’re either all in or all out — there’s no in between. Until we decide a guy is actually worth our time, we’ll remain icy and standoffish. We already have everything we need, why would we need him, especially if we’re not sure he’s up to the task of being a good partner? We’re tough nuts to crack and until he does, we’ll remain fiercely independent.
  2. We’re not quick to show our feelings. Part of a strong woman’s personality is always being in control. Being in a relationship is straight up scary, especially when we’re not good at showing our emotions or being forced to give up our tough girl front. It’s hard for us to really let others see who we really are. It takes time and patience to find out how we really feel.
  3. We don’t ask for help. Strong, independent women would rather suffer in silence than ask someone for help. We’re fiercely independent and we like to think that we never need to ask anyone for anything. We can handle everything on our own. When it comes to relationships, it’s hard for us to open up and say that we need a guy, even if it’s for something as small as helping us hang our new curtains. We worry about how he’ll react or if our cool girl cover will be blown. It’s hard for us.
  4. We’re better at solving our own problems. On the other hand, we’ve gotten so good at solving our own problems that we forget how to really ask for help when we do need it. Those curtains? We’ll do it ourselves, dammit! (Or worst case, call a handyman.) Independent women are great at getting crap done. We’re convinced we don’t need anyone or anything other than ourselves to get what we want or need.
  5. We’re not really team players. Alpha females operate best alone. It’s what makes us so good at everything we do. It takes us awhile to open up to the idea of living together, sharing spaces, and not operating solo all the time. We know how to be our own best friends and it will take more than a few dates before we even think about the idea of being a couple.
  6. We can be selfish. We’re all about living our best lives. We work hard to make ourselves happy and sometimes that means a significant other is going to become second. We’re wired to always be thinking about our next move and learning to think about someone else takes time. If he’s going to want to be with an alpha female, he’s going to have to be patient.
  7. We have zero tolerance for laziness. Strong women definitely consider ourselves to be Type A. If a guy wants to be with an alpha female, he’d better be on his grind. We won’t even think about dating him unless he’s working just as hard as we are at whatever his chosen profession is. Forget about love — until his work ethic can rival ours, he won’t stand a chance.
  8. Our perfectionism can be a turn-off. We want our lives to be perfect down to the last detail. If he’s not ready to fit into that picture, he should stay away. We’ll definitely drive him crazy with our neurosis. We have our schedules down to a science in order to fit everything in and make the most out of our days. If he messes with it, he should be prepared to duke it out.
  9. We have high standards. If a guy is going to fit into our lives, he should get ready to be subjected to our impossibly high standards. We believe that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. That applies to boyfriends too. We want a guy to match our already perfect life. If the idea of being pushed to do his best scares him, it’ll never work out. We won’t settle for anything less.
  10. We’re not always easy to deal with, but we will be worth it. Yes, we’re hard to love, but we’re also worth it. A guy will never find someone who will love him more passionately or make him become a better man than we will. If he’s up to the task, being with us will be incredibly rewarding.


Emily Ann Gutgold—Emi, for short—is a recent graduate of Penn State University. Her social handle @MiSCONGENiEMiLY stems from her one-time stint as a pageant queen where she was unanimously voted Miss Congeniality by the other contestants. In her free time she enjoys running and eating ice cream, but not at the same time. She currently lives in New York City and works in digital media.