10 Reasons To Stop Obsessing Over That Guy Who Just Isn’t Into You

10 Reasons To Stop Obsessing Over That Guy Who Just Isn’t Into You iStock

The old saying is true — there really are plenty of fish in the sea. Yet, that’s probably something you don’t want to think about right now since you feel so close to your soulmate-fish. Why bother fishing somewhere else when the fish you want is within arms reach? No wonder you can’t stop obsessing over him.

You met this guy recently and he just seems really perfect. Great smile, motivated, and seems to have a really good idea of what he wants. There’s just one catch: He’s not making any moves forward. You’re not even sure how to categorize the relationship — sure, maybe you hooked up once, but he blamed the beer. Whatever’s going on here, it’s not a rom-com in the making. It’s time to stop wasting your time on a guy who clearly isn’t feeling it and move on. You’re better than this!

  1. No good relationship ever starts with pressure. If you’re begging him to give you a chance, you’re setting yourself up for a world of future heartbreak. Just like no good marriage starts with an ultimatum, no good relationship begins with a girl pleading with a guy to take her to the movies on Friday.
  2. He’s probably not what you imagine him to be. You fantasize about him being the perfect guy, but don’t forget that he’s flawed. One big fault, right off the bat? He doesn’t recognize your value. While that’s a dealbreaker as it is, it’s also evidence that he’s probably not as compatible with you as you think.
  3. Your best years are passing you by. If you waste your time on someone who just sees you as a friend with benefits, you miss your best years to meet someone who actually likes you for you. You know, the guy who thinks that you look cutest in your pajamas, and doesn’t need to be overly impressed by your 2-hour-long beautification ritual before you leave the house. Open yourself up, and let the right guy in.
  4. You’re more than a hookup. This is a huge reason to stop obsessing over this dude. Any girl can be a hookup, but you’re more than that. You’re a smart, funny girl who doesn’t need the baggage that random hookups can bring. He needs to get to know you for you, and not just call you up when he’s lonely. Have some respect for yourself, and stop being controlled by his emotions.
  5. He’s not being honest with you. If he keeps leading you on, yet also completely blocks your advances, he’s hiding something from you. Either he doesn’t have the heart to tell you that he’s not into you, or he’s using you to boost his own ego. Regardless, he’ll never have the courage to actually admit this to your face. You have a right to have some control over this situation, so ditch him if he’s not giving it to you.
  6. You’re being taken advantage of. In his eyes, you’ll always be in his shadow. He can do whatever he wants, and use you to fall back on if he’s needing extra attention. While you think he’s “opening up” to you, he’s really just setting a trap to make sure you’ll remain interested in him. A true gentleman will tell you his feelings straight up, and not resort to these childish games. In the words of the great Greg Behrendt, author of He’s Just Not That Into You, “Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.” Stop obsessing over him and move on to someone who can treat you with the respect and care you deserve.
  7. Your friends ran out of advice. In their hearts, they know that you’re being played. However, you’re so far deep that they no longer know what to say. Sure, they think this guy is nice enough, but any guy who monopolizes so much of a girls’ time without any reward is immediately going to be put in the “player” category. Talk openly with your best girls, and see if they — honestly — can visualize the relationship going anywhere. Remember not to get upset at them for merely looking out for your best interests.
  8. Good relationships shouldn’t be difficult. Relationships will have difficulties throughout the years, but they should never start out difficult. Nor should they be a huge struggle to maintain. Do you want to spend an amazing honeymoon period with someone, trying to convince them that you’re worthy of being their girlfriend?
  9. You’re not “you” around him. It’s super easy for girls to try and blend with the type of guy they’re dating. Just look at Ann Perkins on “Parks & Recreation” and the many “stages” she went through with every guy she was with. If you’re obsessed with someone and want to get closer to them, there’s a good chance you’ve developed similar interests as a way to try and bond further. Girl, that’s not you. You’re not into football, and you wasted money buying that jersey. Ditch the persona before it’s too late, and find someone who legitimately shares your interests.
  10. Being paranoid isn’t fun. This is probably the best reason to focus on figuring out how to stop obsessing. If you’re spending more time wondering who he’s texting and not so much time actually, you know, leaving the house and having a life, you need to end this obsession. Analyzing whether or not he might have feelings for a work colleague can get exhausting, and since you’re not in a relationship with him, it’s none of your business anyway. If you get to a point where you feel like you’re outright stalking your crush, and your mood is defined by his personal plans, something’s gotta give.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.