So you’ve met a guy and the two of you are crazy about each other. Congratulations! As time passes though, you may start to wonder what exactly his feelings are towards you. Is he falling for you or is he just madly in lust? Here are a few signs that he’s lusting after you but isn’t in love with you by a long shot.
- He compliments you on your appearance but never anything else. His compliments might make you feel special, but if he’s only commenting on how beautiful and sexy you are, he clearly isn’t appreciating the whole you. A guy who’s falling for you would compliment you on all your wonderful qualities, not just the physical ones.
- You get the feeling that you don’t really know him. Even though you spend a lot of time together and feel comfortable around each other, you can’t help but feel that there’s more to him than you’re seeing. This mysteriousness may be a major turn-on at first, but over time, you may come to feel alienated by it. If he isn’t showing you his deeper self, that’s one of the biggest signs he isn’t in love with you or anywhere close.
- He avoids personal conversations. Whenever you ask him about his family or past relationships, he gets evasive or cracks jokes to divert your attention. This is intriguing at first, but it’s evidence that he doesn’t want you getting too close to him. Even if he shows interest in your personal life, the fact remains that he’s shielding himself from you. If this continues for more than a few weeks, it’s clear that he doesn’t want the kind of intimacy from the relationship that you do.
- You never turn to him for support. He’s fun and you love being around him, but whenever you’re having a really bad day or need to talk to someone when you’re upset, he isn’t one of the people that comes to mind. Instead, you call a friend or a family member to talk you through your emotions. Maybe you don’t even notice that he isn’t on your list of support contacts. But his absence is proof that, deep down, you know you can’t trust him to care about you when you need him to.
- He makes you feel intoxicated. Being overwhelmed with lust does not necessarily mean that you aren’t also falling in love, but if your predominant feeling towards a guy is one of crazed attraction, you should be on your guard. Those feelings are blinding, and often obscure the absence of any deeper connection.
- Sex is the best thing about the relationship. It’s great to have amazing sex with your partner, but anyone who’s been in love can tell you that once you’re in a committed relationship, the sex is merely a means by which to express that love, rather than the foundation on which it is built. If sex is all you’re wanting, you’ve clearly found the right partner, but if you’re hoping to find something deeper and all you can think about is how good the sex is, the emotional side of your relationship is probably lacking.
- He’s inconsistent. When you’re together, he showers you with attention, but whenever you reach out to him, he’s unresponsive and seems to be keeping a schedule that doesn’t leave room for you. If he’s really falling in love with you, he’d respond to your texts and prioritize spending time with you, even if it isn’t always convenient. It’s important to pay attention to how his actions and words line up. If they are often at odds, he’s probably just lusting after you. In fact, it’s another of those major signs he isn’t in love.
- He’s never said the magic words even though you have. Not every couple is ready to say “I love you” at the same time. For some people, it can feel right after only a few weeks. For others, it can take months and months to finally get the words out. But there is a difference between having different timelines and being on two separate trajectories. If you’ve said “I love you” only to be met with an awkward change of subject or evasive “Thank you,” be on the lookout for other signs that he may have different goals in your relationship.
- He avoids conversations about where things are headed. Even if you haven’t mentioned love, there are probably other signs that he’s not invested in a long-term partnership. There is a point in a relationship when it feels right to discuss where you think things are headed. Are you “together”? Do you introduce each other as boyfriend and girlfriend? Do you agree to be exclusive? If he seems to change the subject or go silent every time you broach the subject, that’s a clear sign that he is not considering anything serious.
- Something just doesn’t feel right. Sometimes you can tell that someone isn’t fully on board with a relationship. This can be hard to articulate, and maybe you can’t even point to a particular moment when you sensed he wasn’t in it for the same reasons as you. But you have a nagging gut feeling that something is off. You can try talking about it with him to see how he responds, but ultimately, you should always trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
