For some women, hooking up can be the perfect situation. They’re looking for amazing sex with no romantic commitment, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, some of us just aren’t cut out for it — and that’s okay too. Here are 10 signs hooking up is just not for you:
You’re a hopeless romantic at heart. If you believe in love at first sight, soulmates or get warm, fuzzy feelings thinking about having an exclusive relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that… unless you’re thinking about hooking up with someone. There’s a pretty big conflict of interest since the whole point of hooking up is to keep things ambiguous, so you’d be better off dating in the long run.
You catch feelings really easily. A no-strings-attached situation calls for exactly what it sounds like — you meet up, you hook up, then you leave. If you fall for a guy fast and hard, do yourself a favor and avoid hooking up at all costs. The short term gratification won’t matter much when it falls apart. Your heart will thank you for it later.
You’re not the sharing type. In this situation, there are no titles involved on purpose. Unless you both specify that your hookup situation is monogamous, it’s okay to date or sleep with other people. If you’re not into sharing, though, knowing that he’s free to do the same might be too much to handle.
You’re happier when you’re single. Sometimes, being single and waiting for the right guy is the best course of action. If you know deep down that hooking up would feel like selling yourself short, then don’t bother. Stay single, happy, and keep your options open for something you actually want.
You want to know more about him but you’re scared to ask. When hooking up, you’re likely to learn way more about his favorite sexual positions than his hopes and dreams. It’s okay to wonder about his favorite TV show or snack since you’d ask the same to an acquaintance. Ask too many personal questions too soon, however, and you risk taking the casual feel of the arrangement away and leaving the both of you feeling awkward.
You prefer traditional dates to “Netflix and Chill” sessions. It’s one thing to “Netflix and Chill” when you’ve been in a relationship for a while. Sometimes, you just don’t feel like getting dressed and going out to spend time with each other. But be aware that most of the time, hooking up mirrors a business transaction. If you’re looking to be wined and dined beyond grabbing some takeout, you might want to skip hooking up altogether.
You want the intimacy of a relationship. Cuddling, having sweet nothings whispered in your ear, being told how beautiful and loved you are — just a few of the perks of being in a committed relationship. Sure, you might get similar physical contact, but the undeniable spark of mutual care and compassion is typically absent while hooking up. Don’t sacrifice these things for a temporary thrill if it’s not what you want.
Sex alone just isn’t enough. Picture this — you’ve been hooking up with a guy for several months now, and he’s super gifted in the bedroom. He knows what you do and don’t like and exactly how to get you going. But after a while, you just start to feel… bored. For some women, having great sex isn’t enough to make up for everything else that you’d find in a more traditional relationship. In that case, you’re better off waiting for just that.
You’re tired of being ‘just a friend’ in public. If you hang out with your hookup partner beyond the bedroom, it’s likely that he’ll treat you as a platonic friend around other people. If you can’t handle the idea of being seen as ‘just a friend’ despite the intimate nature of your arrangement, you might want to pass on the notion altogether.
You’re hoping it’ll turn into something more. A hookup arrangement lasts as long as both parties want it to. You may not feel much days or weeks into it, but after several months, it’s entirely natural to feel more than lust. Never, ever agree to hook up with a guy while hoping it’ll blossom into a full blown relationship. There’s no guarantee that it will and unless he expresses otherwise, you’d only be wasting your time — and his.
What if hooking up is all you can handle right now?
If you’re not looking for a boyfriend, but still want to get laid on a regular basis, getting a hookup buddy could be the perfect solution. This casual (but sexual) relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you can have sex with someone without getting too attached, you might find that it’s just what you need. If you’ve thought about having a “special friendship,” but aren’t 100 percent sure if you should, this is why you should at least give it a shot:
You get to have sex. This is really the whole point. If it wasn’t about sex, he would just be a buddy and this whole topic wouldn’t matter. But sex does matter, and it’s amazing. Honestly, sometimes we don’t want to wait to get through multiple dates before deciding if a guy is worth sleeping with, and a hookup buddy eliminates the hassle of finding the “right guy” to help get your rocks off.
There’s no emotional commitment. I know some women don’t want sex without emotional commitment, but some of us are totally fine with the physical connection and not much else. There’s a benefit to not having to worry about what he thinks of your personality or your parents. If you can handle hooking up without a commitment, this is the most stress-free way to go about it.
There’s (probably) some exclusivity. If you’re banging someone regularly, chances are neither of you are trying to hook up with ten other people. Of course, some people will have several hookup buddies (good on them), but most people can only handle one at a time. It’s almost like being in an exclusive relationship without the tears or fighting over who is doing the dishes. Sign me up.
It’s fun! When there’s no stress and sex is just for fun, you enjoy it so much more. With a hookup buddy, you can just let go. Sex is amazing stress relief by itself, so just imagine how good you’ll feel having sex with someone who strips away your troubles as he strips off your clothes.
There are no strings attached, but there’s still familiarity. You don’t have to call him on your way home, ask him what he wants for dinner, or pick his socks up off of the floor, but he’s not exactly a stranger either. You get the comfort of sleeping with someone you know and care about without all the less convenient parts of a full-blown relationship.
It’s not time-consuming. While you might engage in some post-coitus pillow talk, you don’t have to worry about a hookup buddy taking up all of your time. If you have a busy lifestyle, you don’t need to sacrifice your hobbies or alone time in order to make room for him. You just meet up, have some fun, and then continue living your life as normal.
It keeps your number down (if you care about that kind of thing). It’s not a big deal at all. However, some people really care about the number of guys they’ve had sex with. If you want to get laid but are also trying to keep those digits down, a hookup buddy is the best alternative. You get what you need while only adding one more to the pile.
It’s easy. Having a hookup buddy is such a simple way to get laid. You don’t have to seek out someone new on Tinder. Plus, you don’t have to spend a ton of time getting involved with someone you want to seriously date. All you’re looking for is a human connection with the added bonus of an orgasm. Why make it difficult when you can have it this easy?
You still get to be selfish. Having a partner means you have to make compromises both inside and outside the bedroom. That’s fine if it’s what you’re looking for. If you’re in the middle of an independent streak, a hookup buddy might be more up your alley. You can get each other off and have breakfast together in the morning if you want. Then, do whatever the hell you want for the rest of the day.
It’s a different kind of connection. Sharing a romantic bond with someone is nice. However, hooking up with someone you’re “just friends” with is something very unique. You’re sharing a very intimate experience with someone you might only have a casual friendship with outside of the bedroom. It’s not for everyone, sure. But, those who’ve had a friend with benefits can attest that it’s a special relationship all the same.