Being A Relationship Girl In A Hookup World Is Seriously Frustrating

Dating these days isn’t exactly great for those of us who are looking for something serious rather than just easy sex, and this can cause some uncomfortable situations. Since I’m looking for a relationship and it seems like everyone else is looking for a good time, things can get more than a little awkward.

  1. I never know how to tell a man’s intentions. Is he interested in me or just my body? I don’t know how to tell. For me, every signal comes off mixed. I can’t tell what he’s thinking or what he wants. It might be awkward AF to ask what his exact intentions are, but since everyone else seems to just want to hook up, I don’t really have a choice.
  2. It’s hard to explain my feelings on sex. I’m not opposed to sex and I’m not a virgin — sex just still has meaning to me. The rest of the world may have been desensitized to this issue, but I haven’t. I like sex, but only when I’m in love, and unfortunately, not a lot of guys I want to date really feel the same way.
  3. Everyone assumes I’m judging them. When you’re a relationship girl, everyone thinks that you look down on people who do enjoy being a part of hookup culture. The truth is, I’m not a prude. I don’t care if you have sex and I don’t care how casual or frequent it is. You live your life whatever way you choose. I honestly couldn’t care less, but lots of people think I’m the sex police just because I run my dating life differently than they do.
  4. I can easily scare a man off. Nobody wants to have the relationship talk on day one, but I feel like that’s what I need to do. If I don’t immediately tell a man I’m not interested in sex without a relationship, then he’ll just expect it. That’s the way modern dating is: sex first, relationships later. When I tell a man from the get-go that’s not how I operate, I do it knowing he very well might run for the hills. I come off as the strange one here, but at least I know that if a man will wait for me if he really likes me.
  5. My “number” is low. It used to be that everyone was worried about their number being too high, but now I’m different because I’m holding a low card. I don’t think that makes me any better or any worse than someone with experience, but it always seems to be a shocker. Oftentimes when a guy finds out I’m at the lower end of a one-digit number, “awkward” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
  6. I’m honestly afraid of getting hit on. I don’t know how to act. He’s expecting one thing, and I know I want something entirely different. I don’t want to go home with him, and sometimes it’s not because I’m not interested — it’s just that I’m not interested in JUST sex. I’d love to go on a date, but we both know that’s not really what he’s asking for.
  7. I don’t handle it well. Somehow I make things even more awkward by trying to escape the awkwardness. The second I can feel the tension of a potential hookup I’m going to turn down, I start planning my escape route. It’s anything but smooth. I’m not a great actress, so I can either awkwardly pretend to have an emergency phone call or tell the guy that I foolishly thought this was a real date and he’s not getting laid. Running away always seems to do the trick.
  8. Most guys don’t want to wait as long as I do. It usually takes a while for two people to decide to be in a committed relationship, and I won’t sleep with someone until we do make that choice. I want something real, and I don’t want sex until I have it. I’m not hooking up with a guy on the first date, the fifth, or even the 50th if he’s still refusing to commit to me. I’m not getting to that level physically until our hearts are committed emotionally. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a lot of men who feel the same way.
  9. Tinder is more than just a nightmare. It’s a freaking horror film to a relationship girl like me. I’m just trying to make myself available with an app that brings my love life right to my fingertips, but most users seem to be looking for a good lay, not a good girl. I don’t want to hear the pickup lines —I just want to find love. I’m a serious user in a dating app centered on keeping it casual.
  10. I don’t know how to properly turn someone down. At least, not without making things awkward  first. Every time I think a guy might actually be interested in more than my body, I prove myself a fool time and time again. I’m the girl who’s trying to accept a date when he’s only offering a one-night stand. Talk about awkward…
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.