If these 10 things are happening in your almost relationship or situationship, you might want to consider whether you can cope with an inevitable end. Let’s be honest—it’s never going to become a long-term thing no matter how much you might want it to.
You talk about him like he’s your boyfriend even though he never talks about you. This is kind of self-explanatory. You know what I mean—you bring him up in conversations with mutual friends and talk about different things that you do together as if you’re a couple and your friends are kind of puzzled because he never talks about you to them. Or, if he does talk about you, it’s never like that. Yikes.
You rationalize his horrible behavior toward you. For example, if he ghosts you from time to time and you rationalize his behavior then maybe it’s a sign that you’re never going to be in the committed relationship that you want. First of all, he should be ashamed of himself for treating anyone, especially a person he’s semi-involved with, like that. But you also have to take accountability for it too. If you have casual sex and sometimes watch movies together and there are seemingly no-strings-attached because you don’t demand them, he’s only going to keep acting that way. Why would he want to change the relationship to something more if it’s working for him right now?
You bend over backward for him and he never reciprocates. Similarly, if you’re always going out of your way to do nice things for him and he never reciprocates, you’re probably not headed in the relationship direction. Relationships are fundamentally a give and a take and if he’s not even giving as much as he’s receiving now while your relationship is undefined… what makes you think that’s going to change?
You defend your relationship to your friends who express concerns. Friends can be overbearing sometimes, but if the majority of your friends are constantly trying to explain to you that your fling with the dude isn’t going anywhere and you totally ignore them, you’re probably forcing it. Like me, I bet you have really amazing, overprotective yet supportive friends. Sometimes it can be hard to hear the truth from the people who love you the most but I believe that when it’s important a good friend will take the heat from you. It’s up to you to hear their message. They just don’t want you to get burned.
You make up excuses for why he never calls your or texts you back right away. If he’s micro-ghosting you AKA leaving you on read and being an all-around erratic communicator then I hate to say it but your relationship isn’t going anywhere. If he doesn’t have the decency to be responsive to you, it’s not because he left his phone at home or fell asleep, it’s because he doesn’t see you guys as a couple. As a result, he doesn’t feel an obligation to communicate with you regularly.
You drop plans with your friends to hang out with him on the occasions when he does reach out. I know, cringe. To be honest, I’ve been that girl too. If you drop your plans to hang out with your girlfriends for a last minute sex appointment, not only are you a bad friend but you seem a little desperate to spend as much time with him as possible so that maybe, just maybe, he’ll see you as more than a hookup. It’s not cool and it sure ain’t worth it.
You look for signs of positive reinforcement in all of his actions. Along the same lines, if you search for a silver lining in all of his crappy actions, you’re totally forcing it. If you were headed toward a relationship, you wouldn’t have to search for a silver lining because his actions would speak volumes on their face. In other words, when you know, you know.
You turn down dates with other guys. If you’re not in a committed relationship yet, why are you turning down dates with other guys? If you are, you need to stop because this is a total sign that you’re forcing something that isn’t there! Maybe you want things to work out with this guy you’ve convinced yourself is your next boyfriend but you’re only limiting your options. Until you clarify that you are indeed in a relationship with him, there is no reason why you can’t entertain other guys and go on dates.
You tell yourself that he’s going to want a relationship even though he shows no signs of it. If you convince yourself that he’s eventually going to want a relationship and he’s shown absolutely no sign of it, I’m sorry to say that he probably won’t and you’re just forcing this relationship. The truth is, maybe he doesn’t want to be more than just your friend with benefits or hookup. And even though that’s a hard pill to swallow, the sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be.
You think that maybe you’re doing something wrong. Hi, newsflash—you’re perfect. If you’re genuinely trying to get to know him and he doesn’t want something more but keeps leading you on, he’s the one with the problem. But it’s up to you to wake up, put your foot down, and move on from the fairytale you’ve created in your head.
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