There are relationships, and then there are almost relationships, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the two. It’s fun and exciting and ultimately super dangerous because nothing gets your hopes up faster than a situation that feels like it’s going somewhere when it’s actually not. If you’re sending these messages, you can be sure that you’re almost with this guy, but not completely:
“How’s your day going?” This is the official Almost Relationship text message. You’re looking for an excuse to reach out, but you don’t have much to say, because you really want to grab him and ask why you’re not actually together yet. The resulting texts will be pretty dull since no one’s day is ever that interesting.
“What are we doing tonight?” You’re not secure enough to suggest that new Italian place in your neighborhood or even come up with a real plan, so you leave the decision up to him. He might not have any ideas, either.
“Want to come over?” It’s not assumed that the two of you are going to hang out at your apartment, grabbing take-out in front of the TV. You still have to ask him to come over every single time, even though you’ve been hanging out for weeks or even months by this point.
“How was your weekend?” If it was a real relationship, guess what? The two of you would spend the entire weekend together, and you wouldn’t have to ask. It probably spells doom if you’re typing these words on your iPhone.
“Last night was fun.” If he was your actual boyfriend, you would say this to his face. Instead, you text it, hoping he’ll say the same. It doesn’t matter if you grabbed dinner and laughed for hours or hooked up, you want him to know that you’re enjoying your time together.
“Good morning/good night.” No one’s staying the night so you text this instead of saying it in real life. Nothing spells almost more than this.
“Maybe (insert question here)?” You want to move things up to the next level but are terrified of getting rejected, so you send him a text. You ask him to the doc festival in your city next weekend, to hang out with your friends, to be your plus-one to a family gathering. It doesn’t matter what you’re asking, it just matters that you’re so unsure if he’s going to say yes.
“So are we still on for next week?” If you have to ask, you’re probably not. Eventually, the other half of your almost relationship will start treating you really badly in the hopes that you’ll dump him. It’s a lame strategy and yet it happens every time. You text him about your plans, hoping they’re still happening, but deep down you know the truth.
“This isn’t working for me.” This is the text you never want to send and yet you always know you have to. It’s the text that spells the end, and that usually gets the reply, “That’s OK, I understand.” Sigh.
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