When you first started dating, you thought your new boyfriend was the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, you still do—you’re totally enamored with the littlest things about him. That’s sweet but are you being blinded by love? Here are some signs you’ve been overestimating him and he’s not as great as you think he is.
- You think he’s so different than every other guy. Listen, I get it You’ve dated a lot of guys and he’s not at all like any of them. He actually listens to you, remembers the little things, calls when he says he will, and makes plans in advance. While all of that might be true, I’d still venture a guess that he’s a little bit like every other guy and you’re blinded by the excitement of a new relationship. He just hasn’t shown you that yet.
- You want to change just one small thing about him. Or two or three things. No really, if he just gets a better job and moves out of his grandma’s basement, he would be perfect! If he just dealt with his anger problem, everything would be great—and you’re probably right. Everything would be great if he dealt with his anger problem. But you can’t make him do it and you can’t change him. He’s the only one who can change himself. So unless you can truly live with those things and accept them about him, then he may not actually be the one for you.
- You hide a part of yourself from him. If you normally curse like a sailor but you censor your words around him, then you’re not being your true self with him. And if you can’t be your true self with him, then he probably isn’t the right guy for you. The right guy for you would accept and love all of you, including your @#(@)%&)%&$ potty mouth.
- You love the idea of love. If you love being in love and being in a relationship, it’s always important to evaluate if you love this person or you love the idea of this person because it’s really easy to become blinded by the prospect of a fairytale romance. Everyone likes a good romantic story, but make sure yours is true to reality. Take time to reflect if this person is truly right for you or if you’re just fitting him into a beautiful storyline with a happily ever after.
- As you learn more about him, you realize he’s not who you thought he was. If, as your relationship progresses, the picture you had of him starts to conflict with what you know about him now, that could be a red flag. This isn’t always true. Most people are different than the way they present themselves at the beginning of dating and no one is perfect despite our best attempts to look like we are for those first few dates. If he seemed so charming and kind at first but after date number six he’s rude to the waiter, or he seemed humble the first time you met him but now you realize he loves to brag, take note. It’s OK if you both are a bit different than you were at first, but make sure you’re not clouded by who you thought he was so much that you can’t see who he truly is.
- You apologize a lot. Even for small things that you really shouldn’t have to apologize for or for having a dream or goal that he doesn’t share. Even worse is if he never apologizes. This usually isn’t because he’s never wrong, it’s because he thinks he’s never wrong. There’s definitely a difference!
- You’re breaking a deal breaker to be with him. Maybe you told yourself you would never be with someone who cheated, uses drugs, or has lied to you. But this time it’s different, you think. This time, you need to make an exception for your deal breaker because this man is different. That could be the case—after all, everyone deserves a second chance sometimes—but if it’s eating you up inside every day or it’s ruined your trust, then it may be time to remember why you decided it was a deal breaker in the first place. Don’t be blinded by your desire to be in a relationship.
- You’re the one moving things forward. If you’re the one who said I love you first, the one who asked to move in together, and the one who initiated all the dates, this could be a bad sign unless your boyfriend is extremely shy. Even then, if he hasn’t broken out of his shell after a few weeks of dating, you might be dealing with someone who’s just not that interested. You deserve better.
- You’re relieved not to be alone anymore. You say that you were totally fine being single but admittedly, you breathed a huge sigh of relief when you met this guy because it meant you no longer had to do everything on your own. If the best thing about your relationship is that you’re in one at all, there’s an issue. You’re too smart to be blinded by love—keep your eyes wide open.
