10 Signs You’re The Toxic One In Your Relationship 

There’s nothing worse than realizing that your relationship is so terrible because you’re a toxic partner. Chances are, you don’t realize you’re inadvertently ruining your relationship. I mean, you might be a little overbearing and abrasive, but who isn’t, right? Wrong. Being toxic doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person, it means you need to own your behavior and try to change it. If any of these 10 signs sound familiar, you have some work to do.

  1. You Keep Secrets. Have you opened up to your partner about past relationships? Do they know your darkest secrets or do you prefer to keep your private life hidden? I’m not saying you need to share everything on the first date, but if you’re in a relationship, your partner should know who you are. Keeping secrets can be toxic and refusing to open up isn’t fair to your partner. There’s nothing wrong with having walls up as long as you can bring them down for the right person. Can you?
  2. You Have Serious Control Issues. You have to be in charge of every aspect of your partner’s life – their friends, their work, what they do on the weekends, the list goes on and on. Your control issues probably stem from anxiety. If you’re nervous your partner will find someone else, you’re more likely to try and control their life. In your mind, if you have power over their environment, you can ensure they never leave you. But that’s simply not true.
  3. You Don’t Forgive Easily. You hold on to grudges and you never let them go. While you shouldn’t let someone take you for granted, people make mistakes, and if you love your partner and trust them, you need to be able to accept they’re not perfect. Your S.O. will disappoint you, and maybe even hurt your feelings, but if you can’t forgive them, your relationship won’t last.
  4. You Refuse To Compromise. You know what you want, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Still, it’s difficult to maintain a relationship if you’re unwilling to compromise. Are your needs the only ones that matter? Then you’re the toxic one in your relationship. You might not even realize it, especially if your partner is passive, but just because they’re okay following your lead now doesn’t mean they always will.
  5. You Fact Check Everything. You constantly ask your partner questions., and then you ask follow-up questions. Then you stalk their social media to make sure they’re telling the truth. While we’re all guilty of doubting our significant others from time to time, you shouldn’t doubt them all the time. Has your partner ever cheated? Have they ever lied? No? Then you’re doing your relationship a disservice by not trusting them.
  6. Your World Revolves Around Your Partner. You love your partner and you want to build a life with them. Because of that, you focus a little too much on your relationship and not enough on yourself. While that might not seem toxic, it’s unhealthy to live in a world that revolves around someone you’re dating. You need your own existence, so you don’t become obsessed with your partner and lose yourself in the process.
  7. You’re Emotionally Manipulative. When things aren’t going the way you want, you guilt trip your partner into getting your way. During a fight, you cry so they’ll feel sorry for you and immediately give in to what you want. That’s toxic behavior. Even if you’re an emotional person, it’s important to gain control of your feelings so you’re not emotionally manipulating your partner.
  8. You Let Jealousy Rule You. Getting jealous isn’t a problem — acting on your jealousy is. Do you freak out when your partner goes out without you? Do you pick a fight every time they smile at someone else? Jealousy is a disease and the more you let it control you, the more toxic you’ll become.
  9. You’re Afraid To Speak Up. Maybe you don’t like confrontation, or maybe you have low self-esteem. Whatever the reason, it’s difficult for you to speak up when you’re sad, angry, or frustrated. This means your partner rarely knows when they’ve done something to piss you off. Plus, you end up bottling up your feelings, which isn’t good for anyone. The only way for a relationship to succeed is if there’s open communication between both parties.
  10. You Don’t Let Yourself Be Happy. Instead of living in the present and enjoying your partner, you’re always worrying about the future and how things could go wrong. You don’t let yourself be happy, which makes it difficult for your partner to be happy. Not only is that toxic behavior, but it makes your life 10x harder. Stressing about what could happen forces you to miss out on all the good happening right now.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.