10 Struggles Of Being The Planner In Your Friend Group

You’re friends think you have it all together. You’re the girl with the plans, and they all look to you to tell them when and where. It seems easy from the outside, but you know that the exact opposite is true. When you’re the girl in charge of all the plans, this is why life can often be a bit of a struggle:

  1. You don’t know how to “go with the flow.” Your friends just want to make things up as they go along, but not you. You want a plan that you can stick to, and you wish everyone else wanted the same thing. Instead, they tell you to loosen up while refusing to help form a concrete plan like you need. They want you to go with the flow, but that’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.
  2. If you don’t make the plans, then there’s nothing to do. If you don’t step up, there’s no one else to fill in. Your friends look to you for something to do. They can’t seem to hit each other up themselves or decide when and where they should meet up. According to them, that’s your job, and no one’s going to do the work for you.
  3. Friends and money don’t really mix. If you’re going to any event with assigned seating, it’s usually easier to buy all the tickets together, and that means as the planner, the bill is most likely going to show up on your credit card. Not only are you the bank, though — you also have to be the collection agency. It can be awkward to ask your friends to pay up, especially if they try bailing when their ticket is already bought.
  4. You like a set schedule. You like to plan your whole day, but your friends are more last-minute procrastinators. You want to know exactly what time you need to be there so you know exactly what time to leave and exactly what time to get ready. You’re a planner from sunrise to sunset, but to all your friends, wasting time is no big deal.
  5. You can’t stand when people bail at the last minute. If you have plans, then you want people to stick to them. You’re not going to waste good makeup on a night in. If you’re friends agree to hang out, it frustrates you to no end when they change their minds when you’re already geared up to go. Your friends think bailing is normal, but in a planner’s mind, that’s as rude as rude can be.
  6. It can feel like everyone else’s fun depends on you. You planned the event, so if it doesn’t go well that weight is on your shoulders. You want everyone to have a good time even though it’s completely out of your control. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy, but it sure feels that way.
  7. Being the host can be expensive AF. Not only do you have to plan the party, but you usually end up paying for the party, too. You can tell your friends to BYOB, but how many of them actually show up with their own booze rather than bumming off you? Not only is there alcohol, but you also need to provide food. Even if some friends split the bill, there will always be the ones who just expect a free party.
  8. Your friends don’t understand the time and energy you put forth. Your friend’s getting married, but who’s going to plan the bachelorette party? What about your bestie that’s knocked up? Her baby shower isn’t going to plan itself. What your friends don’t realize is that planning takes actual work and time that you don’t necessarily have. Everyone wants to come to the party, but when it comes to planning, good luck finding help.
  9. Some friends will never RSVP. Just because it’s not a formal occasion doesn’t mean you don’t need a head count. You have some flexibility, but you’d like a general idea of who’s planning to be there. Some friends can never make up their minds, though. Lots of them are always waiting for something more fun to potentially come up, so they refuse to commit to plans until the very last second.
  10. People can see you as uptight. Deep down, your friends might be grateful for all that you do, but no planner has ever complained about getting too much admiration for all their hard work. No, instead you’re looked at as the uptight one of the group, and you sometimes worry that’s all you’ll ever be.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.