Not everyone has the gift of the gab and charm to spare, and that’s totally fine. You don’t have to be born with endless charisma to be well-liked or to know how to navigate social situations with ease. In fact, socially intelligent people are masters at these interactions not really because of some innate gift but more because they practice certain behaviors that make them great to be around. If you want to up your social game, here are some pages you should take from their book.
1. They talk less, listen more.
Socially intelligent people don’t dominate conversations or try to endlessly regale their audience with quirky anecdotes or humble bragging. In fact, while they’re not closed-off or awkward, they do tend to leave a lot more space for others to talk than the average person. They appreciate that everyone wants to be heard and to have an opportunity to share their unique perspectives, so they make sure to leave room for that, and this serves them well. Plus, by practicing active listening, they learn more about other people, which helps broaden their horizons and understand and empathize with people more. It’s a win-win situation here.
2. They don’t judge people.
We all have our own biases and preconceived notions — it’s one of the facts of being human. However, socially intelligent people know better than to give in to their judgmental tendencies. Instead, when they find themselves drawing unfair or preemptive conclusions about other people, they nip it in the bud and remind themselves not to judge a book by its cover. As a result, they end up getting to know the real versions of people that lurk beneath the surface.
3. They give because it feels good, not because they want something back.
Many people like to lavish praise, time, or gifts on others because they expect it’ll be repaid in kind. This is obviously the wrong way to go about things — not only is it selfish and misguided, but it often leads to disappointment. Instead, socially intelligent people give for the joy of the experience. They know how important it is to help those who are in need or even just to brighten someone else’s day when they’re having a tough time. Seeing someone smile is the payback, and that’s more than enough.
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5. They think before they speak.
One of the biggest indicators of social intelligence is someone who knows how to choose their words wisely. They don’t fly off the handle and start flapping their gums, saying whatever comes into their heads without a filter. They know that words are powerful and that they can cause a lot of harm. To avoid this, they actually think about what they’re saying before they say it to not only ensure that it’s not hurtful but that it truly reflects their actual feelings and conveys what they want to get across. We could all learn a lot from this habit, that’s for sure.
6. They know how to choose their battles.
Socially intelligent people know that there’s no sense in getting into arguments with people who are pig-headed and set in their ways. It’s impossible to change people’s minds on deep-seated opinions, so it’s not worth trying. Not only is it a waste of time, but it also creates awkwardness and ruins the vibe when these fights break out when you’re with other people. This doesn’t mean that they won’t stand up for what they believe in or make their opinions known, just that they’re not trying to be the arbiter of everyone’s beliefs 24/7. That’s exhausting!
7. They see every interaction as a learning opportunity.
Instead of entering situations feeling cynical or negative, people with social intelligence are all about what they can learn from an experience. They truly believe that everything they go through is a learning opportunity and that the lessons they pick up along the way help them to become smarter, stronger, better people. This attitude suits their curious personalities and conveys to other people that they’re interested and open-minded — two amazing qualities to have.
8. They’re genuinely empathetic.
Socially intelligent people manage to put themselves in other people’s shoes, no matter how different they may be from their own. Even if they can’t relate to what others are going through, they can sympathize and empathize with them in ways that allow them to show extra kindness, consideration, and concern for people who are struggling. This makes them appear warm, kind, and comforting, and we can all use more of those qualities in the world.
9. They know how to apologize when they’re wrong.
There’s nothing worse than someone who refuses to take accountability for their actions — except maybe for those who refuse to say they’re sorry when they’ve messed up. Since nobody’s perfect, there will always be times when we get things wrong, and socially intelligent people know that when that happens, they need to ‘fess up and make amends. They’re able to swallow their pride and genuinely apologize, and nine times out of 10, their sincerity makes it easy to forgive them.
10. They always look for the silver lining.
Socially intelligent people don’t spend half their lives complaining. Sure, there are things they’d love to change and they still go through tough times, but they also believe that attitude is everything. Not only that, but they’re not selfish enough to believe they’re the only ones struggling. Instead of focusing on the negative and complaining all the time, they always try to keep an upbeat attitude and look on the bright side. This attitude is inspiring to everyone around them.
11. They remember details people share.
This is perhaps the most effective trick in the book that socially intelligent people use. Because they actually listen when other people speak and internalize what they say, they have no trouble recalling details, whether it’s someone’s kids’ names, what childhood pet they had, or what their Starbucks order is. Having these little tidbits of info strengthens their connection with others and also shows just how thoughtful they are. No wonder they’re so likable!
