It seems like everywhere around you, people are hooking up. Your best friend found the nicest guy through Match.com, and keeps forcing you to give in and join already. While you might not be opposed to online dating, you’re a bit hesitant. It seems like you just can’t get past date number two without hearing a BS excuse. “I’m not ready for dating”, “I’m not feeling any chemistry”, and “It’s not you — it’s me” are all phrases you’re just tired of hearing. If you want to develop something that’ll last longer than a weekend, you need to sit down and face the facts. Maybe it is you.
Some girls often have a habit of subliminally giving off the “undateable” vibe. Unfortunately, your date probably won’t straight up tell you why he’s planning on deleting your number immediately after dropping you off at home. While he’s probably just trying to be polite, he also doesn’t know you well enough to dish out the cold hard truth.
If you’re wondering whether or not you’re making yourself undateable, if you’re doing any of these things, the answer is probably yes.
- Hiding your intelligence. If you dream of being a biochemist yet act like a Barbie doll, your guy will see right through it. Trying to be someone you’re not is an ultimate turnoff, and will lead to a really awkward relationship if one actually develops. Be smart, be funny, and be yourself. After all, the guy asked you out since he likes you, not the watered down version of you.
- Being too basic. Yeah, nobody likes the term “basic bitch”, but if you don’t have anything that actually makes you stand out from the crowd, that’s how you’ll be portraying yourself. What do you like about yourself? What makes you different from your friends? Dating is like a sales pitch on both ends — you have to like what he’s selling, and he has to like what you’re selling. You don’t need to be the most interesting person in the world, but at least showcase what makes you unique.
- Monopolizing the conversation. On a first date, everything should be 50/50. Offer to split the bill (or at least pay the tip), meet up at a destination close enough to both of your places, and let the man talk 50% of the time. Get to know him, see if you’ve got compatible views, and listen to what he’s telling you. If you don’t let him get a word in, he’ll probably feel like he’s the third wheel on a date you’re having with yourself. If you can’t remember at least three key facts about his life after the date is over, you weren’t sharing the communication.
- Lying. If you met the guy online by using a picture of yourself from 7 years ago (you know, when you had a gym membership) don’t expect to get a call back. By lying about your true appearance, he’ll wonder what else you’ll lie about in the future. If you’re self conscious about being a little heavier, or if you think you’re a little too frail to be seen as sexy, trust me. Guys will think honesty and self esteem are the most attractive features of all.
- Mean girl attitude. You get to your booth at the restaurant, and notice a girl to your left whose underwear is practically hanging out of her cut-too-low jeans. If you make a comment like “Man, I’d be embarrassed to leave the house looking like that,” or “Thongs? She must be promiscuous right?” you’re showing your date how insecure (and downright mean!) you are. Nitpicking on your surroundings might also make him think you’re really high maintenance. Remember — if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
- Being just way, way too loud. Loud girls have a lot of personality, but being overly loud on a first date can really turn a guy off. When he’s trying to get to know you, he doesn’t want to share the experience with the rest of the room. If it’s a fancy establishment (or say, anything that isn’t an outdoor ballgame), he might even be a little humiliated by it. Conversations shouldn’t include shouting, so be aware of your volume.
- Being a chain smoker. Listen, I get smoking. I understand the addiction, and know that it’s definitely an important trait that should never be skipped over on an online dating profile. However, I’m talking about compulsive and rude smoking. Leaving a dinner midway through for a cigarette break is super awkward (and might make the guy feel like you’re ditching the date), and chainsmoking outside a bar will just make your guy gag. If you’re not open about your nicotine intake prior to the date, he’ll be massively turned off.
- Talking about your exes. Save the venting for your girlfriends. If you talk too much about past relationships, your new guy will assume you’re still not over them. If he asks about other dudes, just sum it up nicely. He doesn’t have to know about how Jerry stole your credit card, or how Jared had a massive fear of commitment. Chances are, the topic won’t even come up. True gentleman don’t try to dig for gossip, nor should they care about numbers.
- Poor driving. Not everyone will be great behind the wheel, but if he’s a passenger and the destination is the movie theater, he’d rather get there safely than see the pre-movie trivia. If you’re texting and driving, you’re sending the message of “I don’t care about anyone other than the person who messaged me about how the date is going.” Be safe, and remember that you’re not in NASCAR.
- Laying it all out at once. Try not to go into the date with ultimatums. Telling the guy that you plan to be married before 30 and want three kids (twin girls and a boy) will scare him off rather quickly. These conversations will naturally come up as a relationship progresses, but try to get to know the guy before procreation is fully discussed. If he brings it up first? Be honest, but don’t be overly detailed. “I’d like to have kids someday” is way less intimidating than a detailed timeline.
