Friendship is supposed to be one of the things that make life worth living, but what happens when your friends betray you? Being screwed over is never pleasant, but it always seems to hurt just a little bit more when it comes from a person with whom you were once really close. If you’ve been betrayed by your friends in any of these ways, you’ll know just how awful it feels. Here’s how to deal with each situation.
- She slept with your boyfriend. There are few things that say so much about a person’s shoddy character like sleeping with their friend’s SO. There are also few things as painful because you also know that you can’t trust her (or your man) ever again. Should this happen, shut them both out of your life and never allow either of them near you again. Those two Benedict Arnolds deserve one another, and you deserve better.
- She sabotaged you from achieving your dreams. If you found out that your friend actively hurt your chances at a job or kept you from achieving something major, it’s often best to confront her. While it’s always up to you to decide whether or not she should be forgiven, my advice will always be to distance yourself from her as soon as possible.
- She turned your other friends against you. There aren’t too many things that can be done when people have decided to listen to someone else’s word above your own, aside from proving them wrong. When you see that you have a friend who’s spread rumors about you, or even just squeezed you out of your own social circle, you can only ameliorate it by either confronting your friends or letting time make its karmic rounds.
- You caught her sh*t-talking you behind your back. In all reality, all that you need to do here is confront her, then break off any contact that you had. Clearly, she doesn’t respect you as much as she claimed she did.
- She bailed on you at the worst possible time. Whether their sudden Houdini act embarrassed you or left you defenseless, the fact is that a friend who bails when you really need them isn’t a friend. When she comes around again (and they almost always do), confront her, then tell her that you no longer want anything to do with her. Why would you stick with people who have no problem ditching you when things get bad?
- You lent her money and she won’t pay it back. When someone chooses to screw you out of money, what they’re basically saying is that they valued the money more than you. Since she’s basically stolen from you, it’s safe to say that the friendship is done. If it’s possible and the sum is big enough to make a serious dent in your wallet, take her to court. If it’s not, sever the ties you have with her immediately, and do damage control on your personal finances.
- She seriously embarrassed you. This kind of betrayal is not always done in malice, and not always done on purpose. If you feel the need to do so, confront her in private. However, it’s important to realize that there are people who have personality traits that just make them prone to very awkward behavior. It’s important to fully gauge whether or not she did it out of jealousy or because she just didn’t know any better. If you have reason to believe it’s out of jealousy, it’s best to avoid being seen in public with that friend, and it’s even better to remember that they probably made herself look worse than you.
- She’s judged you based on things outside of your control. I’ve personally seen this happen to people who had gotten pregnant, as well as people who had decided to come out of the closet. There’s really nothing that you can do to change the mind of a person who judges you and distances themselves from you. Truth be told, she did you a favor by keeping her sorry ass away from you. The funny thing I’ve noticed about judgemental people is that they tend to come back around if they need something from you, or if the situation that made them judge you has dissipated. When this happens, feel free to remind them of their wonderful treatment of you in the past, and slam the door in their faces.
- She threw you under the bus. If she expected you to take the blame for something she did or basically put you in a direct line of fire so that they wouldn’t have to deal with something, then your first focus is most likely going to be damage control. You will likely need to prove that you’re not the one in the wrong in order to get out unscathed. Once you’ve done damage control, it’s best to cut ties immediately with the person who did this to you – along with anyone who sided with her without being interested in the truth.
- She decided to believe a complete stranger over you. There’s something particularly painful about having a friend or relative pick a stranger’s side over your own. More often than not, someone who’s known you for a long time will eventually see the error of her ways, apologize, and try to make things better. Just because she realized that she was wrong for believing you doesn’t mean that you should allow her back in your life. Depending on the severity of the lie, and the severity of the consequences, you may just want to permanently distance yourself from her.
The fact is that a friend’s betrayal will almost always cripple your ability to have a healthy friendship with her. While it may be possible to overcome it, the truth is that you might not want to do so. Life is just too short to waste time on people who have betrayed you.