11 Lies You Tell Yourself When A Relationship Isn’t Working Out But You Desperately Want It To

It’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that the toxic relationship you’re in is actually one that is good for you. You feed yourself all sorts of lies to convince yourself that your relationship is most definitely going to work out. You worry desperately about what would happen if it ended, so you do anything to keep in together. There may be a grain of truth in most of these lies, but taking one real look at your relationship and you can see the toxicity. Here are some of those lies you may be telling yourself to cover your eyes from the truth.

  1. But we love each other so much.One of the most cunning things you can hide behind is “love.” It’s very easy to call toxicity “love.” I mean, the rush even feels like love sometimes because the toxicity’s so intense. This is a delusion, though, if a partnership isn’t healthy, it doesn’t matter how much you feel for one another. After all, love is about more than just a feeling. It’s also about happiness, health, well-being, and growth.
  2. We’re meant for each other.Perhaps you think this person you’re with is the only one for you and you’re the only one for them. However, you’re just bullsh*tting yourself if the relationship is totally falling apart (or it was never together in the first place). In reality, it’s impossible to know why things happen the way they do. So, stop lying to yourself. Chances are that you and your toxic partner are not meant for each other.
  3. I need them.A giant red flag should go up anytime the word “need” comes out of your mouth. That’s some codependent bullsh*t. You don’t need any other human to be okay. At the end of the day, your okayness is not dependent on another. Plus if you’re saying this it’s a dead giveaway that your relationship is totally unhealthy. You’re clinging to your partner for dear life or you both are clinging to one another. Cut that cord.
  4. I can’t give up.It’s a big fat delusion to think that ending a toxic relationship is giving up or failing. You’re not any stronger or more respectable for sticking out a relationship that really should be over. Actually, it’s pretty stupid to stick around when it’s clearly not working out. So, instead of thinking of a breakup as giving up on your partner or yourself, think of letting go of something that isn’t working as an act of kindness.
  5. I’m just going to give it one more chance.The “one more time” lie can keep you in quite the toxic loop. You find yourself biting your lip and saying “well, I’m going to give them (or the relationship) one more chance.” You know you’ve heard these words slip out of your mouth more times than you can count on your hands and toes, but you can’t help still saying it with conviction. Come on dear, you know it’s BS.
  6. Maybe I need to change.Sure, there are definitely some times in relationships where you hit a speedbump and you realize you need to make some changes. But, there are other times where you find yourself making tired excuses for your partner. You shift the blame to yourself when really you haven’t done anything wrong. This toxic move is you internalizing blame instead of admitting to yourself that it just isn’t working out.
  7. Actually, my partner needs to change.Another precarious lie that may leave your lips is that your partner needs to change. Again, there are times when your partner can make small changes to improve the relationship. However, there are also those times when the whole relationship is you trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. You’re trying to ask your partner to change their shape, but they are who they are.
  8. Relationships are just hard.Like many of the other lies you tell yourself, this sentiment has a degree of truth. The problem is though that your relationship is way harder than any relationship should have to be. You two drive each other mad far more than you bring each other joy. There’s toxicity seeping out of every pore of your partnership, but you just keep hiding under the guise of all relationships being hard.
  9. All relationships have their ups and downs.Justifications, excuses, and twists of reality. These are keeping you stuck in a relationship that’s only bringing you down. Yes, fine, relationships have their inevitable ups and downs. Your ups and downs, on the other hand, are more like freakin’ roller coasters. They’re smacking you around all over the place and you just keep clinging on for dear life.
  10. I’ll never find anyone else like them.This delusion may keep you trapped in an unhealthy relationship for way longer than you should ever have to experience. You tell yourself that you just need to make it work and accept how things are because this is the person you’re going to be with forever and a day. There isn’t anyone else in the whole entire world of 7.4 billion people. See, this all sounds very silly, no?
  11. It’s better I’m with them than alone.Possibly worse than any of the others is the lie that you need to make the relationship work because being alone would be completely unbearable. You close your eyes, shake your head, say “lalala,” and hope that your toxic relationship will magically improve if you ignore all of the BS. I know you’re desperately afraid of being alone, but come on, you’re better than that.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.