Here’s Why Personality Matters So Much More Than Looks In Love

Don’t get me wrong, physical appearance plays a part in attraction, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I care far more about the whole package than I do just the wrapping. After all, physical beauty fades, but it’s who you are at your core that will stick around for the long haul. Here’s why personality matters so much more than looks.

  1. They don’t have to be gorgeous to be attractive to me. It should go without saying that looks do matter on some level. It’s not like they’re irrelevant — you need to be attracted to someone for them to be a potential mate. However, someone doesn’t need to be drop-dead gorgeous to be attractive. They can be cute, adorable, and a variety of other descriptors. Attraction is more about a feeling than about how a person looks.
  2. Sexual chemistry is about more than looks. I need to feel physically attracted to someone in order to be able to be matched with them. Nonetheless, this chemistry is about much more than looks. I’ve been with men who are objectively really hot and I’ve felt minimal chemistry with them. Also, I’ve been with guys who I thought were the hottest people ever, but they may have just been average to others. Our chemistry was off the charts. It really depends on many factors, but physical appearance isn’t the only one.
  3. I’m looking for a life partner. Looks wane over time. They also don’t make up for a crappy personality. I’ve regretted anytime I’ve ever gotten with someone just because I was attracted to them. It bit me in the butt because they turned out to be emotionally unavailable or a total jerk. Instead of just focusing on looks, I’m focusing on the whole package. I’m looking for someone to be with long-term. My life partner needs to have a whole lot more to offer than pearly whites or gorgeous hair.
  4. Shared values are crucial to a good match. One of my top concerns is whether or not I share values with a person. Values are what drive our entire lives and how we make choices. I want someone whose value system closely aligns with mine. I just have to say that vanity is not high up on my list of values, so I won’t be bonding with someone over how attractive we both are.
  5. I want someone who makes me laugh. Humor is so important to me. I want someone I can joke and play with. Life is way too short to not have a partner who can be playful and humorous with me. A sense of humor is far more important than a sexy appearance.
  6. Kindness is hugely important. Would I rather have someone who’s a model or a humanitarian? That question’s totally easy for me! I’d rather be with someone who values kindness, compassion, and care. Honestly, being a deeply good person is sexier to me than rock-hard abs could ever be. Going back to the fact that I want a life partner, I want someone our potential kids would look up to.
  7. Confidence goes a long way. Honestly, some of the sexiest people I’ve met haven’t even been conventionally attractive. They’ve just had a great deal of confidence in themselves. When I find someone I want to be with long-term, I’ll be attracted to the way that they carry themselves. Having confidence without cockiness is quite sexy.
  8. Intellectual, social, and emotional intelligence are such turn-ons. Someone who’s incredibly attractive can really be ruined by not having intellectual, social, or emotional intelligence. When a person is really physically attractive but quite ignorant, I’m not at all interested. Instead, I love someone who can talk nerdy to me and meet me on my intellectual level.
  9. Emotional availability is super attractive. There are plenty of people who are wildly attractive but incredibly emotionally unavailable. I cringe at those souls. My idea of a great match is someone who’s emotionally available. They’ve got their act together and can show up for me. What could be more attractive than someone who’s done deep emotional work to understand themselves?
  10. Communication skills are really sexy. Someone can be incredibly hot, but if they can’t communicate with me, I’m not interested. I’m very skilled at communicating my needs, feelings, and wants. I expect the same in a partner. Someone who can communicate well is really sexy to me.
  11. Passion is so important. Have you ever seen someone totally in their element, doing what they love? Maybe it’s a teacher or a creative type, but the person is just totally in love with the work they do. Those are the kind of people I want in my life. I want a partner who’s deeply passionate about something, anything. Maybe it’s their work, hobby, or interests. I don’t care about the specifics, but I know they’ll bring that same passion into our relationship.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at