The longer you’re single, the more you start to think about the guys you used to have in your life—and by “guys,” I mean the ex you still can’t seem to shake. It’s easy to start second-guessing your decision to end your past relationship, but questioning things doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. After all, you probably don’t even miss him—you just miss being loved by someone.
How you know you don’t really miss him
- He Pops Into Your Head When You’re Lonely. You don’t think about him all of the time. Come to think of it, he only really comes to mind late at night when you’re all alone. If you only think about him when you’re lonely, do you really miss him? Probably not as much as you think. If he was popping into your head every second of every day, that’d be a different story.
- You Miss Going Out On Nice Dates. One of the best parts about dating was getting all dressed up and going out on nice dates and you miss doing that! It’s not that you miss going on dates with him specifically, you just miss going out on dates, eating yummy food, and having a good conversation with someone.
- He’s Dating Someone Else. You thought about him every once in a while before but now that he’s dating someone else (and getting serious about her), you’re really starting to miss him. Sounds like you’re just jealous that he’s dating someone who isn’t you, which is completely normal. But it doesn’t mean you want him back.
- You Ignore The Fact That He Sucked. Are you remembering the relationship correctly? Okay, so that means you remember how many times he ignored your calls, canceled plans with you last minute, and treated you like an option. No? You don’t remember that? Then you aren’t thinking clearly at all!
- You Miss Waking Up To Cute Messages. “Good Morning” messages are the second best part of dating. And the third? Texting a guy in general. Being single means waking up to zero texts or waking up to 10 texts from your best friend recounting the awkward date she went on the previous night. You want to text a guy during the day, send cute emojis, and make plans for the weekend. I feel you. But that doesn’t mean you should settle for your jank ex.
- You Miss Being Cuddled. Do you miss cuddling or do you miss the cuddler? Really think about that. Do you miss his hands holding onto you while you sleep or do you just miss having someone in your bed, tickling your back and whispering in your ear about how much they love and respect you?
- You’re Sick Of Watching Netflix Alone. Okay, so this is a real struggle. Watching Netflix is a huge part of a relationship and when you’re used to spending the night having a marathon of “Ozark” with your boyfriend and all of a sudden you’re watching the drama unfold by yourself, it makes sense that you miss having a Netflix buddy.
- You Miss Having Steady Sex. Was sex with your ex-boyfriend amazing? It makes sense that you’d miss it. But trust me when I say there’s always someone better you can sleep with. Always. That doesn’t mean you should jump in bed with a stranger, but don’t think you have to go back to your ex in order to have a mouth-watering orgasm.
- You Start To Really Miss Him When You See Other Couples. Spending time with other happy couples will make you feel miserable, which in turn will make you miss your ex-boyfriend, even if he was a complete and total jerk. That’s just the way it goes. Don’t think that you miss him because you should be with him. You miss him because you’re human.
- You’re Afraid Of Never Meeting Someone. You’re getting older and that freaks you out. Your friends are getting married and having babies (on purpose) and you feel like you’re behind. You haven’t even met a guy you could date. How the heck are you going to get married anytime soon if no one’s asking you out? All you can do is look ahead and be patient. Move forward, not back.
- You Know You’re Better Off. Do your friends tell you you’re better off without him? Do you agree? You know you don’t really miss him when you’re fully aware of how incompatible you two were. Sure, maybe dating again wouldn’t be the worst idea, but you’re not just looking for someone to date. You’re looking for a guy you can be with long-term. That’s not your ex and you know that deep down.
What to do when you feel like you really miss him
- Put the phone down. Nothing good can come of reaching out to him and deep down, you know it. Even if you’re sure you really miss him, he doesn’t need to know about it. Step away from your phone — put it in another room, somewhere you can’t easily get to it. It’s better off this way.
- But before you do, block him on everything. To make doubly sure you can’t get in touch with him, delete him from your contacts list and all your social media accounts and then block him for good measure. This makes it not only impossible to see what he’s up to but to reach out to him in a moment of weakness as well.
- Get your journal out. Just because you shouldn’t be in touch with your ex doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid and that you shouldn’t process them accordingly. Get out your journal and write down what’s going on inside of you. You can even address the enry to your ex as if you’re talking directly to him. This will help you get it out of your system and you may just feel a whole lot better.
- Do something to distract yourself. Even if you really miss him, you’re only going to feel that more keenly if you’re sat around doing nothing at all. Get off the couch, get dressed, get out of the house, and go do something else. If your mind is otherwise occupied, he may not even cross your mind.
- Reflect on the bad times, not just the good ones. It’s easy to wax nostalgic about your past relationship when you’re feeling lonely and sad, so you have to redirect your thought patterns. Think about all the bad stuff about him and your relationship and remind yourself how awful it was to experience. That should go a long way in stopping that pining feeling.
- Get together with your girls. Who needs guys when you’ve got your girls? They know how to make you laugh, how to pick you up when you’re feeling down, and how to make your life so much better. Call up a couple of your closest pals and ask them to hang out. Whether you want to go grab some food, go bowling, watch a movie — whatever it is, just spend time with the people who know you best. You’ll end the day feeling totally refreshed and like yourself again.
- Stay strong. Sometimes you will legitimately miss your ex. It happens. However, you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Stand firm in the knowledge that you’re better off without him. Eventually, you’ll realize just how true that is. For now, fake it ’til you make it.