Why You Always Meet Someone When You’re Really Not Looking

Why You Always Meet Someone When You’re Really Not Looking ©iStock/svetikd

We like to feel like we’re in control of our lives at all times, but sometimes the more we look for a suitable guy to add to the equation, the fewer options there seem to be. So we swear off men and actually end up feeling pretty amazing being single. Funny enough, that’s when the next guy comes strolling along and before we know it, we’re head over heels and it’s a complete surprise. Here’s why we always end up meeting people when we’re not actually looking — because yes, the old cliche really is true:

  1. You’re truly happy. It’s sort of puzzling that being happy on your own is the exact thing that makes someone else want to be with you, but it’s true. Happiness is hot, and guys are always attracted to a girl with a smile on her face.
  2. There’s zero desperation in your life. People can sense desperation a mile away, and it’s never seen as an appealing trait. You have no reason to be desperate for a relationship when your life is full and happy without it… which is why it’s the perfect time for the right one to come along.
  3. You have time to work on yourself. Often when you’re not looking for a relationship, it’s because you’re trying to improve yourself in some way or another, which is a great thing to do. Incidentally, nothing provides a foundation for romantic love like a whole lot of self-love, so this is a double win.
  4. You can’t really control it, anyway. You can control how many dates you go on to a certain extent, but you can’t really control when that date will be with the right guy. Dating more doesn’t always equal better odds, and sometimes it is the luck of the draw.
  5. You’re busy doing you. When you’re not looking for a relationship, you have tons of extra time to focus on what’s really important: you. A woman with her own interests, hobbies, career, etc. is infinitely more attractive to guys, because who wouldn’t want someone so self-assured and well-rounded?
  6. You’re not overanalyzing every little thing. When we date with the intention of getting into a serious relationship, we have to deeply analyze each guy to figure out if he’s right or wrong for us, which can be a lot of work. When you’re not actually looking, it becomes even more obvious when someone’s right, because he’s coming out of nowhere and you can actually take him at face value.
  7. You know what you want. And what you don’t want. When you’re the priority, it becomes extremely easy to sort through what works in your life and what doesn’t. Sometimes just knowing what you don’t want is enough to draw the things you do want to you at the right time.
  8. Because you’re relaxed. There’s a lot of pressure when every time you leave the house, you wonder if it’s the day that you’ll magically run into “The One.” When you’re not thinking like that, you’re freer and probably easier to talk to, anyway, so your natural charms will shine through.
  9. You’re not putting any negative energy out into the world. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but too often, we focus on the lack of one and all the “poor me” ideas about why it isn’t happening. As we know, leading with negativity is never the way to truly call in the good stuff in life.
  10. Not looking doesn’t mean you’re not open to it. Just because you’re not actively hunting down a dude doesn’t mean that you’re not totally prepared for it when it does come along. In fact, it often means that you’re perfectly prepared.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com