11 Signs He’s Testing You (And Why That Makes Him A Jerk)

Dating isn’t a game. It’s not fair if someone makes you jump through hoops or tests you to see if you’re girlfriend potential. It’s insulting, actually. If the guy you’re dating is doing any of these things, it’s safe to assume that he’s childishly putting you to the test and he’s a jerk.

  1. He plays hard to get. Playing hard to get can be a good thing in small doses. It gives you a chance to see that the other person is making an effort with you. Although it’s a game women invented, some men like to play it too. Fine. But it’s not cool if he’s playing hard to get at unfair times like just after you’ve shown him real interest. Pulling away from you is a manipulative tactic to make you sweat. It’s so rude.
  2. He suggests eating the tarantula. You’re at a restaurant and he suggests you try something really nasty on the menu. It’s not something you’re keen on and not something that he previously seemed interested to try either. So then why is he suggesting it? He knows that you’re freaked out by what’s on the menu but he wants to see if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone. While that in itself isn’t always a bad thing, it’s shady if he knows that you’re uncomfortable and doesn’t care or if he can’t take no for an answer.
  3. He suggests doing something risky. Taking risks together can be sexy and fun, but not if the activities are dangerous. If the guy’s suggesting you do something silly like getting in the car with him after he’s had lots to drink or break into private property, the guy’s trying to see just how far he can push you. He might say he wants to do something exciting with you, but he’s really being a jackass.
  4. He “surprises” you. On the weekend he surprises you with tickets to a basketball game—even though he knows very well that you hate the sport. What the heck? He might be testing you to see if you’re flexible and open to other ideas, but why fake what you feel? If you’re not into something, he should at least have the decency not to spring it on you.
  5. He stops noticing you. He always used to tell you how gorgeous you looked and how much he loved your trendy outfits but lately he’s completely stopped giving you compliments. However, he still wants to see you regularly. What gives? He could be testing you, trying to see how you’ll react when he stops paying you so much attention. Basically, he wants to see you squirm. The best thing to do is to pretend that his behavior isn’t affecting you at all. That will show him you don’t need his validation.
  6. He flirts with other women. When you’re out together, he might drop the waitress or his friend a flirtatious comment. It feels so insulting, but if he’s a jerk, he’ll thrive on seeing you get upset. He’s basically so insecure that he has to resort to these tactics to get a jealous reaction out of you or test your interest level in him. What a loser.
  7. He stops giving you answers. If he’s suddenly become vague or mysterious when you ask him a question, he might be testing you to see what you’ll do. If you get upset, he might resort to calling you “clingy” or too intense. On the other hand, if you pull back, he might think that you’re not interested. Ugh, you can’t win. Maybe he should stop testing you in such a childish way and just be himself.
  8. He’s sarcastic or insulting. Some jerks will throw you a few sarcastic jokes to gauge your sense of humor. Some might even take things to an uglier level by insulting you and then claiming it’s a “joke” or you should “lighten up” when you don’t laugh at it. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
  9. He shows up when you least expect it. You had plans for later, but he turned up much earlier with the excuse that he finished work early and thought he’d pop around. He’s probably testing your flexibility. He might even want to see what you look like when you’re not dolled up. It might not be a big deal for him to arrive unannounced but it can annoy you, and rightly so. You have things to do!
  10. He doesn’t call. If a guy says he’ll call you at a certain time and then he doesn’t, he’s clearly a guy who doesn’t keep his word and he’s not interested. But he might also be testing you to see how he’ll react. He might want to see if you’ll accept his bad behavior in small doses, which means he’ll be able to do more annoying and disrespectful things in the future.
  11. He tells you he’s poor. Some guys might worry that a woman is just dating them for their money, so they might test you by saying they’ve lost their job or made some bad investments and lost a ton of money. They might even take you to crappy places to see how you react. Clearly, this guy doesn’t realize you don’t need him for his money. It’s a bit insulting to have to deal with all this acting!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.