11 Things You Might Think Make You Look Sexy But Actually Make You Look Desperate

When you’re finally dating a guy you really like, it’s natural that you want him to like you right back. As tempting as it might be, though, you shouldn’t try too hard to impress him — sometimes the very things that you think will make him want you will be the very things that turn him off completely. Is your behavior coming across as desperate? Here’s how to tell:

  1. You’re available whenever he wants to see you. You’re super interested in meeting up with the guy so you don’t think anything of being available whenever he’s able to see you. The problem with this is that it looks like you’ve been doing nothing but waiting for him to make plans. Instant turn-off. Obviously you shouldn’t invent excuses every time he asks to hang out, but it’s okay to say no or ask for a raincheck from time to time.
  2. You sext to get his attention. You were chatting regularly to the guy you’ve been dating for a few weeks when suddenly he stopped texting. To get his attention, you think you need to do something creative, such as initiating a hot sexting session. What guy doesn’t like sexting, right? He might be into it in the moment, but this just makes you look like you’re dying for his attention, any attention at all, and it’s basically the opposite of sexy.
  3. You’re always there to help him. When the guy has problems, you’re there to help him sort them out — even if he hasn’t asked for your help. You might think that going the extra mile to be there for him sets you apart from other women, but honestly, all it does is make you get friend-zoned. There’s a fine line between being a good friend or partner and being a doormat. Beware.
  4. You’re a little too open about your life on the first date. You want to let him know everything about you, from your family history to the funny story of how your striptease for an ex-boyfriend went horribly wrong. It’s too much information and it’s making you seem like you’ll try anything to get his attention.
  5. You cancel plans with your friends to see him. It’s natural to want to be with the guy you’re seeing all the time, but if you’re always cancelling plans with your BFFs and telling him that you’ve ditched them, he’s not going to be impressed — he’s going to think that you’re too eager to make him the center of your world. It’s troubling and creepy.
  6. You surprise him at home or his workplace. You want to do something nice for the guy you’ve been seeing, so you figure surprising him at work or his house with a cup of coffee and his favorite muffin is fun. No, it’s not. It’s called stalking. If you haven’t been invited, don’t just turn up. Please.
  7. You check in with him via text. It’s been over a day and you haven’t heard from your crush, so you send him a casual text. There’s actually no such thing because you’re not simply “checking in” to see where he is and he knows it. What you’re doing is checking out why he hasn’t bothered to text you. Awkward.
  8. You tell him how amazing it is to have met him. When you feel the spark with a guy, you want to tell him that you feel so blessed to have met him — but don’t do it until you’re an official couple because it can totally backfire. It doesn’t make him think you’re nice, it makes him think that you’re trying too hard to get him to commit, which could have him running in the other direction.
  9. You start adding him social media without asking him. You’re tired of simply texting or emailing so you look up the guy on social media and try to connect with him. It’s a no-no! You should first ask if he’s on social media so that you can figure out if he’d like to chat to you online. If you bombard him by following him or sending friend requests, then “liking” and commenting on his posts, it can seem like you’re invading his space.
  10. You ask him to let you know when he gets home safely. You had an amazing date that ended in the early hours. Now the guy still has to drive all the way home after dropping you back at your place. You think the nice thing to do is ask him to drop you a text to let you know he’s home safe, but don’t. You’re not his mother and quite frankly, nothing makes a guy feel more smothered than telling him when he should text or that you’re worried about him. It’s an instant turn-off.
  11. You like what he likes. He tells you about his love of football and you say you love it too. He tells you he loves camping and you say you do it regularly — even though glamping is more your style. Whatever he likes is what you like, so basically he can choose what you do on dates and you’ll go along with it even though you don’t have such a good time. WTF? Pretending to like the same things as the guy you’re dating is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later, you’ll have to come clean or else live your life doing things you hate. Besides, you might think he’ll love dating a woman who shares his passions and thinks in the same way, but it can be boring AF while also making him think you’re trying too hard to impress him.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.