Women Are More Like Guys Than We’d Like To Admit

We’ve come a long way from thinking that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but the battle between the sexes is still alive and well, particularly when it comes to how we date. If you’re a single woman who is actively dating, it’s easy to get into the habit of complaining about how guys are ruining everything. It doesn’t help when all your besties are saying the exact same thing and going on a string of truly awful dates, but we’re not totally innocent in all of this. Here are 10 ways we’re more like guys than we think:

  1. We ghost, too. Shocking, I know, but if you haven’t ghosted someone, you’re either the world’s most perfect person or totally lying. And since no one is perfect, it’s probably the latter. I’m guessing that we ghost people for the same reason that guys ghost us: because we’re afraid of being honest and of hurting their feelings. No one wants to say “Look, you’re cool but you’re not for me” or “You’re a crazy person and need to get away from me ASAP.” It goes both ways, right?
  2. We judge on the first date. And by “judge” I mean we analyze. Guys are sizing us up and trying to see if we get along and we’re doing the exact same thing. That’s basically what first dates were invented for. Admit it, you’ve talked to someone for all of five minutes and realized you wish you could head home. We’ve all done it, no matter what gender we are.
  3. We hate texting sometimes. It’s funny when guys complain about how every girl is obsessed with texting them day and night. Whenever I’ve been in a relationship/almost relationship/or just seeing someone, the guy has texted me all the time. I never had to initiate it, the texts just kept appearing. So when guys say they’re not into informing someone of their whereabouts on a regular basis, trust me when I say that us girls aren’t into that, either. It’s OK if you just ate a burger for lunch – you don’t have to tell us.
  4. We need space. Guys want time off from the person they’re dating to hang with their friends, play hockey, play video games, drink beer, whatever guys do when they’re together (it’s a total mystery, to be honest). We want that space, too — we have our own friends and lives too, remember.
  5. We don’t want things moving too fast. Our gen is pretty messed up about commitment and unfortunately, it goes both ways. We’re scared of the idea of settling down with someone forever (or even just for right now) but once we meet someone who is honestly awesome, it doesn’t seem so scary.
  6. We aren’t always honest about what we want. Both men and women clearly need to learn how to communicate better. That never seems to happen, though, and that’s why we send each other endless text messages without ever asking the other person out either for the first or second time. Let’s agree to stop this, OK? If you like someone, ask them out. If you want to keep seeing them, tell them.
  7. We make dating harder than it needs to be. We’re so afraid of showing the other person that we care about them and being rejected that sometimes we act way too casual, vague and aloof. That does nothing but confuse both parties and stop us finding actual love, which is supposedly our goal.
  8. We feel bad about bad dates. Basically, we all go on horrible dates, and no one feels good about that. Dates are terrible for different reasons: nothing to talk about, high expectations that weren’t met, or, the most common one, the other person was, well, crazy. If there’s one thing that men and women can agree on when it comes to the search for love, it’s that you have to kiss a lot of frogs (or sit across from them super bored).
  9. We don’t want to be alone. Both men and women are frustrated with first dates that go nowhere. We don’t know why it’s so hard to find someone you get along with and we’re scared of being alone forever. These are the great questions of our time and yet none of us have any answers, no matter what gender we are.
  10. We try to do the right thing. And we do, sometimes; other times, we fail. We meet new people and gauge their personalities and attitude towards life over a few beers. We throw ourselves into a new romance only to realize the other person doesn’t want it to be permanent. We never meet cute anymore and spend our days on websites and apps, searching for someone that may not exist. It’s hard, but we don’t have any other choice if we want love. So let’s cut each other some slack.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.