Great relationships are founded on good communication, but that doesn’t mean that you can say anything and everything that pops into your head. There are certain things that are better left unsaid. Here are some things you should never say to your partner because you love him and you’re not going to be that girl.
The importance of thinking before you speak
No one wants to have to walk on eggshells around their partner. That’s not what we’re advising. However, it’s still important that you think about what you’re saying before you open your mouth. It’s not always the words you’re using but how they’re voiced that are the problem. You’re always entitled to your own opinions, of course. But sharing them shouldn’t come at the cost of your partner’s well-being. Making them feel bad about themselves or purposely poking at a sore spot are big no-nos.
You don’t want to end up saying something you don’t mean. Or worse, saying something you do mean but that you can never take back. Being careless with your words is a surefire way to ruin your relationship. Before you speak, especially during heated moments, take a breath. Think about what you’re about to say and how it could come off. This one small activity could save a lot of drama in your relationship.
Things you should never say to your partner
- “Shut up.” You should never tell anyone to shut up, really. But especially not your boyfriend. Healthy relationships should be respectful and telling someone to “shut up” is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Those two words speak a thousand different – and hurtful – messages. They say: “I don’t want to hear you. I don’t care what you have to say”.
- “You remind me of my ex.” You shouldn’t be talking about your ex that much unless it’s to share your history and get closer to your current partner, and comparing the two men is a big no-no. It’s uncomfortable for your current boyfriend, and it’ll also keep you stuck in the past. Everyone is different, that’s a fact. Let your old relationship go and focus on the new one.
- “You need to man up.” No, he doesn’t need to “man up”, he isn’t a “pansy”, and he doesn’t need you to emasculate him. Support and encourage your guy, don’t cut him down.
- “Your friend is really hot.” File this towards the very top of the list of things you should never say to your boyfriend. In his mind, he should be the only one for you – even if you do window shop now and then. Don’t make your man insecure by telling him how hot you think his friends are, especially because you wouldn’t like it if he did it to you.
- “Your parents drive me nuts.” Relationships between parents and their children are often complicated. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t get along with his parents, you don’t have the same history with them that he does, so don’t take that burden on your shoulders and instead try to remain as neutral as possible. If he has a good relationship with his parents, then it’s even more important to not be critical and instead grow your relationship with them.
- “We need to talk.” Good communication is the foundation of a really great relationship. However, if you do need to talk to your boyfriend, cut out the clichés. “We need to talk” can often lead your boyfriend to jump to the wrong conclusions, and therefore can result in bad communication rather than good.
- “You’ve gained weight/you’re going gray.” Hey, you wouldn’t like to hear this from him. So why do you think he wants to hear it from you? There are certain things that no one appreciates hearing. If you think he’s letting himself go, there are nicer ways to support him. You should encourage him to get back into shape/take better care of himself.
- “You’re cute.” Puppies are cute. Kittens are cute. Babies are cute. Your boyfriend is not cute. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to “aww” at him. Not in the slightest. He wants to be hot, sexy, and desirable. This isn’t the worst offender on the list, but it is one of the things you should probably never say to your boyfriend in most cases.
- “I’ve trained you well.” No, you haven’t. He’s a human being with a brain of his very own. This kind of comment can be a huge blow to his confidence, as well as insinuate that you’re manipulative. No one wins.
- “That was so sweet of you to remember.” There’s a misconception that men don’t remember important dates, or what your favorite foods are, or how you take your coffee. The truth is, men are just as observant and as thoughtful as women, and it’s insulting to think otherwise.
- “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” It should go without saying that one of the things you should never say to your boyfriend is something that belittles him or makes him feel silly. It’s rude, disrespectful, and out of order. If you really look down on his thoughts, feelings, and ideas so much, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
- “I can help you shop!” Unless he asks for your help, this can be really insulting. It’s basically a backhanded way to say, “I don’t like your clothes.” Let him have his own style. If it’s something you really can’t hang with, you probably shouldn’t be with him.
- “You’re nuts.” This is often filed under “things you should never say to your girlfriend” but it applies to your boyfriend as well. No one, man or woman, wants to be invalidated or gaslit into feeling like they’re wrong for feeling or thinking a certain way. Find more constructive ways to express your frustration or your lack of understanding than this. Do better.
- “How come you never _____?” If there’s a specific need or desire your partner isn’t meeting, it’s up to you to communicate that to him clearly rather than expecting him to be a mind reader. You should never say this to your boyfriend because it puts pressure on him to anticipate your needs, which is really unfair. Also, if you’re asking him this because you want him to do something that one of your friend’s boyfriends does, think again.
- “No wonder your ex left you.” This is just low, and I don’t think I need to tell you why this is one of the things you should never say to your boyfriend. This is just low, and it shows so much contempt that no one could blame him for breaking up with you over this. No matter how angry you are at him, think before you speak.
- “That’s it, I’m done.” This is one of the things you should never say to your boyfriend unless you’re 100% sure you actually mean it. Once you utter these words, you can’t take them back, and he may just hold you to it. Fair enough if you need a break from the conversation or some time to gather your thoughts. However, never tell him you’re “done” unless you plan to put your money where your mouth is.
- “I can’t stand you.” Again, contempt destroys relationships. This is basically another way of telling your boyfriend you hate him, and if you truly do, why are you even together? You might be unhappy about something he did or said, but never say to your boyfriend that you hate him just because things are heated.
- “If you really loved me, you’d ____.” This is manipulative and inappropriate. You’re basically saying that if he doesn’t do exactly what you want him to do, then he clearly doesn’t care about you. That’s not only ridiculous, it’s pretty horrible. Think before you try to exploit him (or anyone else) in this way.
- “You complete me.” This is one of those things you should never say to your boyfriend even though it sounds like a good thing. The truth is that you should already be complete when you get into your relationship. No one can fulfill every need you have and no one can complete you. Don’t put that kind of pressure on him or on your relationship.
- “I don’t care.” You do care or else you wouldn’t be with him. And if you really don’t care, again, this is another death knell for what’s left of your relationship. You don’t have to be deeply interested in every word that comes out of his mouth, but if you’re so blase about the things he tries to communicate with you, you clearly don’t really love him.
- “You’ve changed.” Maybe he has, or maybe you have. But to hurl that kind of accusation at him as if it’s something he should feel bad about because you don’t approve of it is pretty crappy. There are other ways to discuss the ways your relationship has evolved, both good and bad, without making it all his fault.